


All at Once, This is Enough

by DearLazerBunny



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Ending, Reader-Insert, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 03:50:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 28,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13628016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearLazerBunny/pseuds/DearLazerBunny
Summary: Reader is a nurse on the Resistance base of D’Qar, used to keeping her head down in a book and doing her work. Until a certain pilot takes interest in you, promising to make life a little more interesting.Content Includes: Language, Alcohol, Gambling. Slight Teen rating towards the end, which will be marked





	1. Chapter 1

Wandering around the base was your favorite way to spend sleepless nights. Being a nurse, you were very used to working on very little rest. Your 2AM walks had uncovered some hidden gems, like a small, peaceful chapel tucked in a back hallway, and a stuffed storage room that had been turned into a makeshift casino by the pilots. You had stood by the door wrapped in your characteristic blanket (D’Qar was _cold_ at nights, especially for someone from a warmer climate) close enough to hear easy, carefree laughter, clattering dice, and lighthearted teasing and boasting amongst obvious friends. It had put a smile on your face as you continued floating down the dimly lit hallway, headed to the airfield to admire the stars, and maybe watch some droids and mechanics repair some ships if you were lucky. You had no head for mechanics, other than the requisite medical supplies, and the intricate workings of the X-Wings always fascinated you.

Wrapping your fleece tighter around you, you admired the feeling of the wind on your cheeks, the quiet bustle of the flight deck in the twilight setting. Sometimes you didn’t get out of the infirmary for days on end, so a respite outside was welcome, even if you had to occasionally stifle a yawn.

Sparks caught your eye and your attention turned to one of the few pilots still up working on his ship. Dark curls fell messily over the collar of his orange flight suit, and he raked them back distractedly as he peered closer at the open panel exposed to the night air. He poked tentatively at the restless wire until it connected with another when the tiny droid at his feet started chittering insistently-

 _Whoom_.

Black and orange ate at your vision as you stumbled back by the blast. Technically challenged you might be, but you were pretty sure that was _not_ supposed to happen. Your feet were moving before you realized it, barely waiting for the heat to dissipate before kneeling beside the surprised pilot who was now sprawled on the ground, black soot covering his hands, blinking wildly.

Quickly, you assessed him, eyes roving him for any sign of red. There- his right arm, definitely lacerated by the wire before he had gotten knocked down. You had your blanket wrapped around the wound, stemming the bleeding, before the man had even begun to cough.

“Okay, sir, you’ve had a bit of an accident, I’m going to need you to lie still until we can make sure you’re not seriously injured. Med staff is already on its way,” you noted, seeing a bright red alarm go off somewhere to your left. “Can you tell me your name?”

“P-Poe. Dameron. Commander.” His eyes were wide and you were afraid he was going into shock, until you realized his body was shaking from laughter, a slightly hysterical note in his voice. “I don’t think that was supposed to happen.”

You suppressed a grin. “Probably not,” you agreed, cautiously probing his right arm. “Can you wiggle your fingers for me? Move your wrist?”

  
He did so, eyeing his rig wearily. “Yeah, well, wiring was never my strong suit. More of a welding guy.” He let his head fall back against the concrete floor. “Ow.”

“Let’s refrain from giving ourselves a concussion, yes?” You tucked in the ends of the makeshift bandage. “You’re gonna be fine, but you’re definitely going to get this arm checked out.”

“Ma’am yes ma’am.” He smiled crookedly with warm brown eyes. “You a doctor or something?”

“Nurse,” you corrected gently, waving over one of your coworkers as they entered the scene. “Blast knocked him off his feet, possible concussion, laceration and burn on his right arm,” you delivered, and Corbin nodded curtly as he unfolded the gurney. You turned back to Poe. “Corbin will take you to the med deck, okay? You’re in good hands.”

He opened his mouth to say something but was wheeled away before he got the chance, voice snatched away by the wind and drowned out by the extinguishing foam now being blown onto the wreck.

You sighed. So much for a peaceful night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
“Corbin told me you had an eventful night last night,” Karissa teased, shutting her locker next to yours after pulling out her white coat.

“Unfortunately.” You shivered, and pulled out another shirt to layer under your scrubs before shutting your own locker. “Some idiot blew up his X-Wing on the flight deck. I happened to be passing by, so I got to him first.”

“Some idiot? Do you know who that was?!”

“Um…” You squinted, trying to remember. “Poe..? Something. He was a captain, I think.”

Karissa rolled her eyes. “You’re so out of it, Y/N. That was Poe Dameron.” She waited, like she wanted to elicit some reaction out of you. When you just shrugged, she sighed, tugging you down the hallway. “An in THE Poe Dameron. Best pilot in the resistance Commander Poe Dameron?” You looked at her helplessly. “Hot as fuck Poe Dameron??”

Ah. There it was.

You weren’t much for gossip, so you never knew what hottie du jour the other nurses were fawning over. You supposed this Poe was the latest trend. “It’s a bit hard to notice if someone’s hot when you’re treating them for burns,” you teased, simultaneously amused and baffled at Karissa’s single track mind. She huffed, tossing a pair of gloves at your head pensively.

“Can’t blame me for wanting a bit of action! It can get so boring around here.”

You raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment. And you knew better than to suggest the library this time.

“If you say so,” you said finally, aiming for your first appointment for the day. “Try not to seduce any patients while we’re working the same shift, hm?”

“Oh shut it!” You laughed as her indignant cry rang out behind you.

Poe Dameron was just another face in the Resistance, just another person to assess and treat and get on their way. You didn’t see the point of getting stuck on anyone with the constantly changing roster and unpredictability- not to mention lethality- of working in a war zone.

But if you happened to remember a particular Commander’s dark curls in surprisingly vivid detail, well, that was nobody’s business but yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hang on for the ride, folks


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is a nurse on the Resistance base of D’Qar, used to keeping her head down in a book and doing her work. Until a certain pilot takes interest in you, promising to make life a little more interesting.
> 
> Content Includes: Language, Alcohol, Gambling. Slight Teen rating towards the end, which will be marked

You came in to your next shift to the loudest chatter you’d ever heard coming from the break room, even after someone had snuck their pet lizard into some poor assistant’s cubby as a joke and nearly given him a heart attack.

“What’s everyone going on about?” You stood on tiptoe to try to see around the crowd. Everyone was looking at something- _move, damnit, short person coming through!_ \- perched on the table that had been used for far too many impromptu card games on the off shifts.

“Y/N!” You heard someone shout from the front of the pack. “She’s here, move, let her through!” Whispers swirled around her as she wiggled passed grinning doctors and a few techs looked down right devious- that did not bode well. Were they waiting for you?

The whispers died when you gasped, audibly, at the present perched on the table in front of you.

A thick, cable-woven shawl, in muted colors that reminded you of the river that ran by your childhood home, was folded proudly in front of you, practically begging you to sink your fingers into it. Which you did, marveling at the softness of it, admiring the little details woven into each strand-

Wait. “Is this for me..?” You asked confusedly, hands hovering hesitantly over the beautiful wool. You picked Karissa’s smirking face out of the crowd, singling her out. “What’s going on?”

“There’s a note!” She cooed, practically beaming as she passed over a piece of paper with your name roughly scrawled on the front.

You snorted. “You’ve all seriously been standing here waiting for me to open a note?” Some in the crowd had the nerve to look a little sheepish, but the rest were blatantly curious.

You sighed, making a biiiiiiiig show of leaning back against the table edge, taking your time unfolding the mysterious note, keeping an amused look on your face while you were secretly just as anxious as everyone else. Who in their right mind would give you something like this? It’s not as if it was your birthday, or a holiday, and even if it were, gifts on a military base were hard to come by and usually resulted in extra dessert rations being traded around- certainly not something this beautiful.

_I felt bad I ruined your blanket, so I figured I owed you. -That Idiot Pilot_

Your cheeks reddened as you read the short quip, only serving as further rumor fodder for the group around you. Glancing at Karissa, you mouthed, _help me._

“OKAY!” Karissa commanded, startling everyone around her. “Everyone out, we’ve had our fun, I’m sure we’ll learn all the delicious details-” she wiggled her eyebrows at you- “later! Back to work, people!”

They filed out, some already moved on and chatting with their friends, some still looking curiously at your blushing face as you stared at the gorgeous piece of art that had apparently just been gifted to you. Before the door closed, Karissa slipped back in, practically skipping over to your side. “Well? What’s the story? Who’s it from?”

“Uh-“ You quickly folded the note back up and shoved it under the mound of yarn. “It’s nothing.”

“Nothing?! Have you seen this?” She gestured to the shawl. “This is not nothing. Stars, where do you even get something like this on a military base-”

“Wait.” You were rereading the note. That Idiot Pilot. You rounded on Karissa. “You told him I called him an idiot? What the hell, Karissa!”

Light dawned in Karissa’s eyes and a slow grin spread across her face. Oh, no. Oh no no no, abort mission, abort- “It’s from POE?”

You huffed. “Yes. It’s from Commander Dameron. Surprising, considering you told him I called him an idiot!”

“Oh.” She stopped short. “I was checking up on his burn yesterday, just making small talk, it must have slipped out. He asked who had ‘come to his rescue’ on the flight deck.” She grinned. “And it doesn’t even matter because look what he sent you! What does the note say? I’ve been dying for you to open it!”

You sighed, shoving the gift into your locker with more care than you hoped Karissa realized. “He said he felt bad about ruining my blanket. I used it as a makeshift bandage,” you explained. “The night he almost blew himself up.”

“Hm.” There was a twinkle in the other nurse’s eye that immediately made you nervous. “Guess you’re gonna have to go thank him, huh?”

  
You hadn’t even thought about it until now. For some reason the thought of being in font of those brown eyes again made your stomach flip a little. “Yes, of course. I’m sure I’ll see him around sometime,” you chuckled nervously, silently willing the other girl to drop it.

No such luck. “He’ll be in the dining hall, trust me.” She winked at you, glancing once more at the note clutched in your hand before flitting off to work. “Where else do all the flyboys hang out? And don’t worry- your little admirer is safe with me.”

“He’s not- he’s not my admirer!” You called after her, evidently unconvincingly, judging by her giggling.

Great. Just fantastic. You tried to lay low, keep your head in a book, do your job and stay quiet. That’s it. That’s how you survived, in a place like this. But based on Karissa’s laughing the entire base would know about this within the hour.

And you had a Commander to thank. A Commander with very nice hair and even better taste in soft goods, apparently.

Damnit.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is a nurse on the Resistance base of D’Qar, used to keeping her head down in a book and doing her work. Until a certain pilot takes interest in you, promising to make life a little more interesting.
> 
> Content Includes: Language, Alcohol, Gambling. Slight Teen rating towards the end, which will be marked

You didn’t normally eat in the dining hall. Your excuses ranged from busy to, well. Busy. And no one ever argued, other than the occasional jibe about you having no friends, because Force knows all these soldiers and pilots loved to land themselves in your care. Besides, the kitchen delivered meals to the infirmary, so why waste the energy? It was most definitely not because you were shy. Or nervous around lots of people. Or any people.

_Deep breaths_. It had taken you a full two weeks to even work up the courage to get in here.

The hall was about half full, with groups scattered all the way to the far end. The air was fairly fragrant, despite it all being made with ever-rationed food. You could pick out the new recruits, in their brown jackets; the pilots, in their neon orange; the command staff floating around and briefly conversing with everyone in between. It was homey, with a warm glow and pleasant chatter filling the air that reminded you more of your residency than a military base.

Which did absolutely nothing to calm your nerves because dear god uni was a nightmare of caffeine-fueled adrenaline and awkward conversations with people who couldn’t understand why you could rattle off medical jargon with the best of them but not place an order at the local café-

_BREAthe, Y/N_.

Okay. How were you going to do this?  
You decided on the passive route, grabbing a tray and dinner from the line and settling into an empty table with your food on one side of you and your latest novel on the other. Your messenger bag was resting on its side on top of the table, tips of the blue knitting peeking out of the corners. Maybe the Commander would see it and comment on it? You just hoped you wouldn’t have to go up to a big table of pilots and ask to speak with him- your cheeks flamed just at the thought of it.

Before your escapade you had tried to subtly get some information about your target from various doctors and nurses. You hadn’t gotten much- Commander, best pilot in the resistance, practically General Organa’s right hand man in the air. Someone had mentioned he liked traveling, but, duh, he was a pilot for a reason. Multiple people- girls, guys, and everyone in between- had gotten a dreamy look in their eyes before rambling about his big hands and thick hair and hey, why do you want to know anyways? Stars, you just wanted to thank the man, not assess your chances of getting into his quarters-

“You know, the dining hall isn’t really the best place to read a bodice ripper.”

Looking up, startled, you saw Poe Dameron grinning down at you with a glint in his eyes.

Bingo- wait, what?

“Excuse me..?” You laughed nervously, shoving your bookmark in between the pages.

The corners of his eyes crinkled- brown eyes, how pretty- as he pinched his cheek, then gestured at the resulting redness. And winked at you.

“Oh… oh!” Your eyes went wide at the insinuation and immediately the book was buried deep in your bag. “No, no, it’s a medical journal, I was just- thinking. Um.” Yeah, this was going great.

“I’m just teasing you.” He plopped down on the bench opposite you like he didn’t have a care in the world, elbows on the table, one hand reaching out to steal a bit of fruit off your tray. “Don’t normally catch you in here, gotta get my quips in while I can.”

You tried not to gape too obviously at that. “I wasn’t aware you even knew I existed.”

“Please! The heroic nurse who rushed into raging flames to save me from my own stupidity?” He winked again as he dropped a grape into his mouth like a Greek god might be fed by his servant. “Believe me, I’ve instructed everyone in my squadron to come up at personally thank you for saving their beloved Commander.”

“…I see. No one secretly gunning for your position, then?”

Dameron looked at you, mildly surprised, before shaking his head with an amused smile. “If they are, they’re doing a damn good job of hiding it.” He looked at you. “You’re different.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re always in crisis mode! Nurse voice, gauze in one hand, needle in the other. I’ve never seen you so-” he gestured at your off-duty clothes, a thick hoodie and simple pants. “Laid back, I suppose.”

“Thank you? I think?” A small smile had formed on your lips. You didn’t notice it, but Poe did, and he echoed it on his own face. “Once again, I’m going to have to suppress my surprise that you’ve noticed me. Doesn’t a commander have better things to do that follow a nurse around? Or leave them mysterious gifts in their place of work?” You looked at him pointedly, and gestured to the soft threads poking out of your bag.   
  
“Oh good, you got it!” He shrugged modestly, a hint of pink spreading on his cheeks. “Like I said, I felt bad about ruining your blanket. Your friend, what was her name, Camilla? She said you’d be mad because you were always cold and carried it around like it was your uniform. So I figured I better replace it before you froze to death.”

The teasing note in his voice made your stomach do that funny flip again, and you retaliated without thinking about it. “Look, D’Qar is cold, okay? I’m from the desert, I don’t deal with anything below 80 degrees. Besides, look at me. I don’t exactly have a lot keeping me warm!” You flung your arms out, proving your point when they didn’t even reach halfway down the table.

Everyone on the med deck would have rolled their eyes at the short joke (the only jokes you knew how to tell), but Poe practically threw his head back and laughed so loudly a few tables nearby turned to look. “I suppose you don’t. Can’t really relate,” he grinned, bumping you with his knee under the table. “I’ve been nicknamed the human furnace more than once.”

“Well, lucky you.” You shoved your hands up in your sleeves and wrapped the fabric around your wrists; makeshift gloves. Really, just to see if you could make Poe laugh again. He did, to your surprise. A nice surprise. Tiny, quiet you could make one of the most boisterous people on base laugh out loud?

“But really,” you started, after he had quieted down. “Thank you for the blanket. It’s… well. One of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen,” you admitted honestly, not being able to resist running a hand over it. “Where did you even find something like this?”

“Trade secret.” He tapped the side of his nose and leaned in like you were best friends having a heart-to-heart. “But I’m glad you like it.”

“Well, I’ll have to get it out of you eventually, because I think I need about five more for my room alone.”

“Hm.” There was the twinkling again, and you couldn’t help but be drawn to the warmth in those eyes. Had they always been this kind?

“Poe?” A pilot with tight double braids plaited to the sides of her head sauntered up to the table, eyeing you with an appraising look. Not necessarily hostile, just…curious. “General Organa requested Black Squadron in her office.”

“Oh, thanks, Jess. I’ll be there in a sec.” She walked off, blonde brushing over her shoulder as she glanced back at you with interest in her blue eyes. Strange. Did all the pilots know you?

Dameron turned back to you. “Duty calls.” He smiled apologetically. “Can I get a rain check? For dinner,” he laughed, noticing your confused look.  
“Oh! Um. Yes. Why not,” you smiled at him, even though your brain was threatening to overheat with the way he was looking at you.

“Excellent. I’ll see you then…” He frowned. “Wow, I’m sorry, I don’t think I ever even got your name..?”

“Y/N.” You held out a hand. “Nice to meet you, Commander Dameron.”

“Please, Y/N, you practically saved my life. Poe is fine.”

“I- okay. Poe.” You nodded.

“POE! Let’s move!”

“I’m COMING, cool your jets, Snap!” You winced at the noise, and he grinned apologetically. “Sorry. Can’t get anything through those thick skulls unless you scream it. I’ll see you later, yeah?”

And then he was gone, jogging to meet the rest of his squad as the filed out of the dining hall. The blonde- Jess?- was still looking at you, until someone jostled her shoulder and she turned and followed the rest of them.

Well. That was… surprising.

You thought about Poe sitting down across from you like you were old friends. He didn’t seem to have any qualms about talking to you, and you had to admit that your words came a little easier when they were spoken to him- he just seemed easy to talk to, and like he actually listened. But you hadn’t met before the explosion, you were fairly sure of that. So why was he being so friendly?

Your eyes drifted to blue, a pop of comfort among the wood and concrete of the base. Maybe this was one mystery you didn’t need to unravel.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is a nurse on the Resistance base of D’Qar, used to keeping her head down in a book and doing her work. Until a certain pilot takes interest in you, promising to make life a little more interesting.
> 
> Content Includes: Language, Alcohol, Gambling. Slight Teen rating towards the end, which will be marked

An uneventful few weeks passed. You had managed to stem the rumor mill by simply rolling your eyes and telling any over-curious passerby that he had owed you. Gambling was one of the few universally recognized past times on base. Bets, wagers, and debts; everyone could understand those.

On the off times- the down time in between patients, the page turn, the moments before falling asleep- you wondered about Dameron. Ships came and went; you had no idea which one was his, or when he was on or off base. Every time you put on your shawl (which was often- you felt like a queen wearing it, it was the finest thing you owned) you had to wonder if you would ever run into him again. It seemed unlikely. There was a war to win, people to heal and flights to fly. You chalked it up to a good story to tell your metaphorical grandchildren, and went on with your life.

Apparently life had other plans.

You did, quite literally, run into him again, walking down the path to some cliffs overlooking the planet’s jungles. It was well worn, but still maintained a sense of privacy, an air of secrecy. A beautiful getaway spot for overworked soldiers looking to think in quiet. It was one of your favorite spots to spend an empty afternoon. A sweet melon in one hand and a book in the other, picnic blanket draped around your shoulders, was as close to heaven as you could get.

You had thought you’d ran into a tree (it’d happened before… you weren’t used to forests) but when you pulled your nose out of the pages you’d realized your melon was now smushed against some poor person’s back.

“Oh my gosh, I am _so_ sorry,” you said, frantically trying to pick bits of rind off their shirt before they turned around. “I really need to look where I’m going..!” You squeaked to a stop as the man simply reached back and tugged off the sticky T-shirt, leaving just an undershirt that showed off strong arms. _Okay then. Just a human body, YN, You’re a nurse, why are you getting flustered-_

“Eh, no harm done.” The man turned, folding the T-shirt over his arm. _Oh, kriffing hell. Please tell me he didn’t catch me looking at his arms._ You watched the man’s face light up. “Y/N!”

“Commander Dameron.” As if your blunder couldn’t get any worse. “I am so, so sorry-”

He frowned. “I think you’ve got me confused with someone else.”

“I- I’m sorry-”

“The name’s Poe.” He cut you off with a wink and a nudge to the shoulder. “I thought I told you that.”

 _Oh, thank god._ “You did,” you said hesitantly, trying to keep melon juice from soaking the pages of your book. “But I figured I better invoke some formality when asking for forgiveness for pegging you with a melon.”

He laughed, using his shirt to catch your now free hand and dry off the remnants of your snack. You tried not to blush, staring at his hands covering yours. They were weathered, with old scars crisscrossing every which way and nails cut with a pocketknife. But they were strong, deftly pulling your small hand into his. When he was done, he slung the shirt over his shoulder and put the pad of his thumb up to his lips, sucking away the remaining sweetness. He grinned at you. “All better?”

Yeah, there was the blush.

“Were you going this way?”

You whipped your head up from looking at your clean hand. “I’m sorry?”

He laughed, pointing down the path into the forest. “You really need to stop apologizing for things. Were you walking this way?”

“Oh! Yes, sor-” you smiled and cut yourself off, shaking your head. “Yes. I was. I suppose I can still read my book, even if my snack is toast.”

“Ah! For once, I might be able to help you out.” He reached into his pocket and produced a handful of dark nuts. “For you, madame.” You tried not to let your hands shake as you picked a few out of his palm and put them in your mouth. He did the same, watching you chew. “Good?”

You worked the flavor with your tongue. Bitter and earthy, but with a lingering sweetness at the end. “Very. What are they?”

“No clue.”

You stopped, fighting the urge to spit the remnants in your mouth into the dirt. “Poe Dameron,” you said weakly, “please tell me you did not just feed me some weird poisonous seeds you found in the middle of the forest.”

Poe paused. Tilted his head. Then suddenly began coughing violently, face turning red as he doubled over.

“Oh my god. Oh my god, Poe, can you breathe? You are not dying on me, I can run and get help, oh god oh god Poe-!”

Coughing turned to laughter, and he stood up holding his stomach, tears falling down his cheeks. Your mouth fell open. “You are an absolute ASS!”

“Shoulda seen- the look- on your face!” He cackled, gasping for breath in between each word. “You were about to have a heart attack!”  
You smacked him for all you were worth, and he clutched his arm dramatically. “An. Ass. Stars, Dameron, you don’t fake poisoning in front of a nurse!”

He sobered a little. “Point taken,” he admitted, shrugging his shoulders. He grinned at you, still clearly amused. “Seriously though, they’re fine. I’ve been eating them for years. Leia- General Organa, she showed them to me when we first got here. Beats caf food, that’s for sure.”

Leia. “You and the General are close, then?”

“Mmm.” He studied the food in his hand, then threw one up in the air and caught it in his mouth. He nodded down the path. “Come on, I’ll walk with you.”

You fell into step beside him, not noticing when he slowed his gait so you could keep up with his long legs. The jungle leaves rustled in the wind, and with the sun on your face, you could almost pretend you were on some tropical vacation.

“You’re not wearing the shawl.”

You cracked open one eye from where your face was raised towards the sky. “Pardon?”

“The shawl I gave you.” He poked the worn picnic blanket still draped around your shoulders. “Much nicer than this old thing.”

“Hey!” You slapped him again, lighter this time. “‘This old thing’ has sentimental value, thanks very much. Plus, it’s for sitting on. I wouldn’t want to rub yours in the dirt; it’s too pretty for that.”

“Planning on a picnic, then? Were you going to the river?”

Your ears perked up. “There’s a river near here?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve never been there.” You shook your head. “The path is a little more hidden, not many people know about it, but it’s beautiful, especially on a day like this. It’s really more of a stream than a river,” he admitted sheepishly, “but that doesn’t take away from the view. It’s just another ten minute’s walk.”

He was right, it really was more of a stream.

But it was a crystal clear bubbling brook, surrounded by strange flora hanging over the banks and smooth rocks tumbling along the bottom. The bank made a perfect vantage point, with rich brown sand to sink your toes into, and tree trunks to lean against, shading you from the afternoon sun. It was more perfect than you ever could have imagined.You immediately went to the water’s edge, kicking off your boots and letting the stream drag its whisper light current over your toes. Poe joined you, sitting on his haunches and tracing patterns in the silt. You smiled as he drew a rough approximation of his little droid before it was washed away. He looked up at you, one hand shielding his eyes from the sun. His smile took years off his face, a child’s wonder shining through cracked lips. “Cool, right?”

You nodded. “Care for a picnic, Mr. Dameron?”

“Why, I would like nothing more, Ms. Y/N.”

You settled your blanket underneath two shady trees and pulled open your book, seeing Poe make himself comfortable amongst the roots, settling in with a sigh.

“It’s beautiful,” you agreed, looking up at the sunlight dappling through the leaves, washing the little clearing in a beautiful muted light.

Poe let his head fall to the side, watching your hair wave in the breeze and your clear eyes turned up towards the sky. “Yeah. It is.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’ll never guess what I heard!”

You rolled your eyes, fiddling with your lock. “Tell me, Karissa, what have you heard?” She was always trying to pull you into the ever-circling rumor mill that seemed to give everyone on base the will to live.

“That _you_ and a certain _someone_ had a little rendezvous-vous by the river!”

Your eyes widened a little. “Where did you hear that?”

“Oh, just one of my friends on the patrol team.” She looked at you grinning. “So it’s true? You guys had a _picnic_?!”

“Keep your voice down, Karissa.” This damn lock was being so stubborn. “I was walking and so was he, and I ran into him. That’s it. That’s all that happened.”

“Really.”

“Really really. And NO-” you glared at her- “I don’t like him that way. He doesn’t like me that way either.. He was just being friendly, that’s all.” You were lying through your teeth, of course, but the other nurse most definitely did not need to know that.

Karissa was in full on pout mode by the time you finally got your locker open. In a heartbeat, two flashes of orange tumbled off the top shelf, and you barely caught them before they went tumbling to the ground.

Sweet melons. On one of them was a scrawl that was rapidly becoming familiar: _NOT POISONOUS._

“Just friendly, huh?”

You threw a melon at her head as she shrieked.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is a nurse on the Resistance base of D’Qar, used to keeping her head down in a book and doing her work. Until a certain pilot takes interest in you, promising to make life a little more interesting.
> 
> Content Includes: Language, Alcohol, Gambling. Slight Teen rating towards the end, which will be marked

Friday nights off were always a bit bittersweet. On the one hand, it was nice not always having to work the night shift. On the other, it wasn’t like you had anything to do anyways. You never minded a cozy night in to relax, but the base always seemed extra vibrant on the weekends, taking advantage of the weekend and the freedom it brought- with you sitting on the side, watching them all walk by trading jokes you had never heard.

But it was fine. You had your books, and your bed, and a nice new blanket to keep you company.

You wearily made your way back to your room, trying to avoid the streams of chattering people headed to who knows where. It had been a long week, and you were ready for a nap- or to just go to bed altogether.

“YN. Hey! Y/N!” You felt a small tug on your shoulder and you tried to move to the outside of the corridor to avoid the swarm. Poe was there, leaning against the cinderblock with an easy grin. “Did you not hear me or something? I’ve been calling your name.”

“Sorry.” You shrugged blearily, trying to shake the cotton out of your head. “It’s been a bit of a day.”

“You know what that means, right?”

You crossed your arms over your chest, mimicking his cool pose with a poised eyebrow. “Please, enlighten me, Mr. Dameron.”

“You,” he finished, poking you lightly, “need a night out.”

 _Excuse me?_ “A what now?”

“Oh, come on, Y/N! A night out, on the town! Drink a little, dance a little, have some fun…” he sang teasingly, wiggling his eyebrows in an exaggeratedly attractive manner. “Come oooooon, you know you want to.”

“I knew no such thing, thank you.” You gave him a tired smile as he shimmied his shoulders like a conga dancer. “You’re going out, I imagine?”

“The bi-monthly clandestine gambling night.” He gave you a wink. “Some booze, some friends, everyone trying to scalp each other ‘til their pockets are inside out. It’s a grand time.”

“I’m sure.” You aimed your tired body in the direction of your quarters. “You have fun with that.”

“What- hey, no!” He fell into step beside you backpedaling through the crowd. “You gotta come with me!”

“I do?”

“Yes!” He trapped you against the wall with both arms, barring you from going any further.

You were suddenly very, very awake.

“A night out, Y/N; when’s the last time you’ve had a Friday night off?”

“Um…”

“Exactly.” He grinned. “Come with me. Starts in an hour, plenty of time for you to go home and change.”

“I have to change?” You looked down at your scrubs. “What’s wrong with this?”

Poe ran a hand lightly over the left side of your shirt, setting all your hairs on edge. “Yeah, pretty sure that’s a giant bloodstain.”

Okay, that was fair. “I really wasn’t planning on doing anything tonight, Poe…”

“I know you weren’t. Good thing I came along to save you from a lonely, miserable fate.”

You rolled your eyes, pretending to think about it with reluctance. In reality, every nerve in your body was screaming _did Poe Dameron just… ask you out? For real?_

“I… suppose…”

“Excellent.” He released you, and you were almost sorry. “Pick you up in an hour?”

_Oh god he was totally asking you out. Holy kriffing crap._

“Okay!” You tried to nod confidently instead of like your insides had just been liquefied.

“Good.” He gave you one last look before disappearing into the crowd, easily being swallowed up by the hustle and bustle.

_Oh. My. God._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
“Karissa!” You poked at your comm pad desperately, like it would make her answer your call. “Please, please, please pick up, oh god I don’t know what I’m going to _do_ -”

“Hey, chica, I was just about to call you-” she paused, taking in your frantic expression. “Y/N. What is it?”

“ _IthinkPoeDameronjustaskedmeoutonadate_ ”

“Y/N! Take a breath, please, I can’t understand a word you’re saying!”

“I think-” you gulped in a bunch of air- “ _Poe Dameron just asked me out on a date.”_

You could have flown a cruiser through the other girl’s gaping mouth.

“Oh. My. God.”

“I _know_!” You wailed miserably, clapping your hands to your face. “What the heck am I going to do?”

“Well. Do you want to go out with him?”

“I-” damn it all. “Think so..? Yes….?”

She squealed, clapping her hands so loudly you had to turn the volume down on the side of the screen. “Then what are you waiting for? Oh no.” Her voice changed into something dramatic. “Do you have anything to wear?”

“…that’s why I was calling you.”

“Ah.” Karissa nodded, as if this was a perfectly normal situation, and not the biggest thing to happen in your life since… ever. “Do you still have that green top? The long sleeved one?”

“Maybe?” You padded over to your closet and flung it open, rifling through hangers like your life depended on it. Spotting the emerald sweater, you pulled it out, surprised at the lack of wrinkles. “Yes.”

“Wear that one.”

“Are you sure?” You held it up in front of you in sight of the camera, biting your lip nervously. “It’s a little… tight.”

“That’s the point, hun.” Oh. “Pull out that one pair of jeans you own, top it off with your silver necklace for a little sparkle, brush your hair, please, and you should be good!” She frowned, playing with a piece of her own hair that had fallen out of its clip. “It’s not anywhere fancy, right?”

“Oh, stars, no.” You dug through a bottom drawer to rescue the single pair of denim you owned from their dark cave. “I guess the pilots have some gambling thing every month..? I found it once, it’s in a back room in Hall E… not exactly ritzy.”

“Still-” you couldn’t hear her as you pulled the top over your head and discarded your bloody scrubs, destined for the wash. “-he invited you!”

“That he did.” You clasped your good necklace behind your neck and smoothed your hair. “Well? Passable?”  
“Very.” Her eyes were sparkling as she took in your form. “If I didn’t love you so much I’d be jealous.”

There was a knock on the door.

“He’s here.” You grabbed a bag, shoving last minute items into the pocket and zipping it up. “Thank you, Karissa.”

“Anytime. Just tell me what happens when you get back-!”

You cut the call before opening the door so Poe wouldn’t hear her squealing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
Poe was surprised when he didn’t need to lead you further into the catacombs of the base. “Don’t tell me you’ve been here before,” he queried, turning down another hallway. “I think I would have noticed you.”

“Please.” You rolled your eyes. “I wander around at night. It’s hard to miss a bunch of drunk pilots stumbling out of the same corridor at 2AM.”

“Man, we better beef up security.”

You stopped in front of a door that was left slightly ajar, laughter and the faint clinking of glasses burbling from the crack. The paint was peeling and the hinges were rusted- it had clearly been well used. “Yeah, a red carpet and velvet ropes would really jazz things up a bit.”

He laughed as he pulled the door open wider, letting the two of you slip inside the room. It was larger than you had anticipated, with crates of supplies stacked to the heavens and pushed to the sides to make way for tables fashioned from those same crates. People sat on buckets, on the floor, or even in another’s lap, gathered around flying cards and leaning for amber bottles being passed around the circle.

“Welcome, my lovely Y/N, to the worst kept secret on D’Qar.”

You tried to ignore the use of the adjective. “It’s…something,” you smiled wryly, somehow instantly taken with the makeshift speakeasy.

“Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

“POE!” A bearded pilot stumbled over to the two of you, broad smile on his face. “I told you it’s bring a friend night, not girlfriend!” You heard a chorus of whoops and agreement from the already tipsy partygoers.

Your eyes widened. “I- no, no, we’re not-”

Poe laughed and threw an arm around your shoulder, much to your delight surprise. “Nah, we all know Y/N wouldn’t go for an idiot like me.” He winked at you jokingly, squeezing your shoulder. “She’s too good for that. Y/N, this is Snap,” he gestured to the man in front of you. Snap took your hand and gently kissed the back of it, making you giggle and Poe roll his eyes. “Right-hand man, eternal flirt, and constant thorn in my side,” he teased, shoving Snap back from you with a light hand.

_Friends. You were here as friends. Good. That… that was good._

“Ever played twenty-one?” Snap shook you out of your thoughts and you smiled shyly, shaking your head.

“I’m afraid I’ve never been much of a gambler. Or a drinker,” you added nervously, smelling the alcohol in the room.

“Hey, no problem, we’ll deal you in at the kiddie table.” He wandered off to the left towards a crate that was surrounded by younger recruits. “Make way, people! Newbie coming through!”

“Hey.” Poe pulled on your hand, preventing you from following. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” You nodded, smiling at him. “I just… don’t really do parties. Or alcohol. Or people…”

“You don’t have to drink if you don’t want to.” Poe caught your eye with a serious gaze. “Promise. And I can stay right with you the whole time, if that would help at all.”

Your heart soared. “No, Poe, that’s fine. I know you probably want to go play with your friends.” You nodded over his shoulder where a table of senior officers were dealing, waving at him to join them.

“Why would I invite you if I just planned on abandoning you for those shmucks?” His grin was the brightest thing in the room as he pulled you towards the table. “Come on. I’ll help teach you!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
The game was fast paced yet thoughtful, pulling you in with the strategy and the good-naturedness of your table mates. Those learning played with matchsticks, Bobby pins, and cheap coins- Poe and Snap led the group through the basics and practice rounds, often wiping the floor with the lot of you, but doing so in good humor. You found yourself caught up in the conversation and the laughter, making fast friends with those around you. Poe sat by your side and let you play as a team, helping you pick out your best hands and what to wager. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t enjoying the attention, hyperaware of every time Poe’s knee nudged yours as you bent over your cards conspiratorially.

After Force knows how many rounds, you eventually sat back, flushed from the thrill of a victory. “I’m going to grab something to drink,” you said into his ear, trying to speak over the crowd of people.

  
He nodded, not looking away from the next hand being dealt. “There should be some water or something light over on the snack table.” You had seen a makeshift station set up in the back, full of mismatched chips and other finger food- most of it looked like stuff the pilots had saved from their various meals, stashing them away so they could bring them to share.

You thanked him and headed over, happy to find there was in fact seltzer with just a hint of something fruity to sip on. As you poured yourself a glass a blonde woman began picking a few pieces off the table and popping them in her mouth, surveying the spread.

“Jessika, right?” Your voice was tentative, but the friendliness in the room had given you some confidence. “One of Poe’s squad?”

“Mhm!” The girl finished chewing and held out a hand. “Jessika Pava. I don’t think we’ve met..?”

“Y/N.” You took her hand. “Poe invited me, I’m definitely not a pilot,” you chuckled.

The girl’s face turned to sheer _ice_. Her eyes bore daggers into you as you shivered from the instinct to step back from the gaze. “Yeah. I’ve heard about you.” She turned her back to the table, sipping a bottle and looking at the crowd.

You looked away, unsure what to do with the sudden aloofness the girl had thrown up. _I thought we hadn’t met before?_

“You said Poe invited you?”

“Um… yes.” You took another drink. “Apparently it was bring a friend night…?”

Jessika rolled her eyes. “Right. How could I forget.” She eyed the necklace you were playing with nervously. “You thought this was a date, didn’t you.” The accusatory tone was enough to make your toes curl.

“I- no, I just wanted to make sure I was wearing something other than scrubs..!” _Please someone come over here and save me!_

“Sure you did.” She turned on you, posture casual, but gripping her food so hard it crumbled between your fingers. “Don’t get your hopes up. Poe doesn’t want anything to do with dating.”

“He.. doesn’t?”

“No.” Her blue eyes could’ve lit your hair on fire. “Take it from me.”

“He told you that.”

“Yup.” Her voice dared you to argue. “We work together, constantly. Every day. We tell each other these things. The pilots.”

Oooookay… it wasn’t like your hopes were super high up there anyways. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind,” you said weakly.

“Good idea.” Finally catching sight of Poe in the crowd, you made a beeline for him, still trying to shake the feeling of the girl’s gaze on your back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
You collapsed on the leather couch in the common room, giggling incessantly as Poe sat beside you, trying to catch his breath, “You didn’t tell me… you could run…” he gasped as he held his side.

“I didn’t see the point in giving you an advantage,” you teased, pulling your hair away from the nape of your neck. “Besides, you’re the one who wanted to race!”

“A decision… I am rapidly… regretting…”

“Ah, the silly things we do while drunk.” You stuck your tongue out at him, feeling the effects of the small bubbly you drank giving you an edge.

“I am not drunk, thank you.” He leaned back and splayed himself across the couch like pins had been pulled from his joints. “Just enjoying the company.”

“Uh huh.” You tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, marking your red cheeks up to the physical exertion. “Can I ask you something? It might be a bit personal, feel free to say no…”

“Shoot.”

“I noticed a chain around your neck while you were running.” You nodded to the open vee of his shirt, where a simple silver chain had been revealed. “Is something on it?”

“Ah.” He fumbled for the chain and pulled it over his head, finding a simple band hanging on the end of it. He turned it over in his fingers. “My mother’s wedding ring.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry-”

“Y/N, you’re fine.” He smiled wistfully at the piece of jewelry. “I like keeping in close to me. My mother, she taught me to fly. It’s a good luck charm, I guess.”

“May I see?” You were a little shocked by your own brazenness, but he swung it towards you like a pendulum and you caught it gently. The metal was worn smooth from years of clutching it close to his chest. “It’s beautiful.” You smiled at him as he returned it to his place around his neck. “You must love her a lot.”

The sadness in his eyes made you think you shouldn’t press too much. “I do.” He glanced at you. “What about you? Family?”

“Mhm.” You sat back, pulling your knees to your chest. “Mother and father, both still living on a tiny desert planet I guarantee you’ve never heard of, so don’t even ask,” you laughed as he opened his mouth to ask that very question.

“Fine.” He smiled, leaning his head onto the back of the couch. “What do they do, then?”

“They’re doctors for the village we live in.” You smiled, remembering the cheerful little home carved into the landscape. “There’s a mountain range right smack in the middle of all the sand, full of caves and even an underground river. Everyone has homes and shops carved into the rock. It blocks the sun, protects us from the sandstorms. It’s a happy little place, really.”

“Sounds like it. Did your parents teach you medicine?”

“For a while. But they only focused on the diseases that might be contracted within the village. I wanted more than that.”

“So you left.” You gave him a surprised look. “It’s the textbook heroine storyline,” he teased. “Born in a small town, but wants to see the galaxy….”

“I suppose it is a bit cliché,” you admitted, giggling. “But it’s the truth. I went to school, learned how to treat whatever might be thrown at me.”

“And then valiantly joined the noble Resistance-”

You laughed at his grandiose tone. “Not quite.” You remembered the attack so well you could picture the smudges on the stormtrooper’s white armor. “A town I was passing through was suddenly raided by the First Order. I didn’t even think, I just ran to help those that I could. I guess a Resistance officer noticed me and asked if I’d like to join up.” You shrugged, remembering the woman’s grim face. “So I did. And I’ve been here ever since.”

“I think that is the most blasé I have heard anyone ever speak about joining a war.” He poked your shoulder with a socked foot, boots long discarded onto the floor. “You sure you knew what you were getting into?”

“Ew, get that off of me..!” You pushed his foot away and he let it dramatically flop to the floor, making you both laugh. “To be honest I didn’t care much about the war. I saw people that needed help and I went to them.” Another shrug. “Didn’t seem like a hard decision.”

“Huh.” He was studying you, really looking at you, like he was just seeing you for the first time. “That’s…”

“Stupid? Rushed? Ill advised?” You rolled your eyes. “Believe me, I got all of that and more.”

“I was going to say noble.”

A stillness fell between the two of you, as you both sat there, jut soaking one another in. It was… nice. Peaceful. A meaningful kind of silence that only comes with a newfound understanding of the other person sitting beside you.

It was nice. And you almost wished it never had to end.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is a nurse on the Resistance base of D’Qar, used to keeping her head down in a book and doing her work. Until a certain pilot takes interest in you, promising to make life a little more interesting.
> 
> Content Includes: Language, Alcohol, Gambling. Slight Teen rating towards the end, which will be marked

“Y/N?” You looked up from your makeshift lunch scattered about you on the floor. You’d taken advantage of a small break in your schedule to raid a stash of snacks you kept in your locker for busy days, wolfing them down in a corner of the break room.

“Mmpfh?” Your eyes widened, and you swallowed, grinning sheepishly. “Sorry, what now?”

“You’ve got a patient in room five.” Lydia looked at you remorsefully. “Sorry.”

“No, you’re fine.” You stood, gathering the trash and throwing it away. “Something important?”

“Not sure, I just know they requested you and someone said they’d send you in.”

Weird. “Okay, no problem.” She held the door open for you and you followed her down the hall, grabbing a blood pressure cuff and clipboard on your way down.

You knocked on the door of room five tentatively, not sure what you would find. “Hello? I was told you requested Nurse Y/L/N?”

“Uh, yeah, come on in.”

The door swung open to an embarrassed looking Poe swinging his legs off the bed. He smiled at you. “Hiya.”

“Um, hi.” You laughed a little, zeroing in on his left arm that was wrapped in an oily towel. “What brings you in today, Mr. Dameron?”

“Can’t I walk in and see my favorite nurse just for the hell of it?”

“First of all, no.” You raised an eyebrow at him. “Unless you’ve brought another blanket, in which case, I’ll take it off your hands.”

“Ah-”

“Second of all, that towel looks awfully suspicious.” You tugged on the corner. “May I see?”

The towel revealed a series of angry criss-cross marks over his hand and wrist. You sanitized your hands and gently prodded the wounds, hearing a little hiss come from Poe. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I feel like I’ve seen this before..?”

“Wire burns,” he admitted, pulling his arm away from your touch. He brightened a little. “But no explosion this time!”

“Wow, what an accomplishment!” You shot back, pulling alcohol swabs out of your pocket. “I thought you said wiring ‘wasn’t your thing?’”

“Well, it’s not-”

“Then what the hell are you doing still messing around with it?” You couldn’t keep the hint of annoyance out of your voice as you cleaned his arms. “Was the first time not a big enough lesson?”

“No, this time-”

“THIS time you only burned your arm up a little?” You shook your head, biting your tongue. “I’m sorry,” you muttered. “I just don’t like seeing you hurt yourself.”

“It’s fine.” He smiled, flexing his hand. “Wouldn’t’ve met you if I hadn’t screwed up; I think that’s worth a little mishap.”

You rolled your eyes. “Don’t you have mechanics for this sort of thing? Why don’t you let them handle it?”

“The mechanics mostly work on the droids.”

You frowned. “I know I’ve seen a bunch of them working out there on the airfield-”

“Well not on my ship,” Poe snapped. “A good pilot can take care of his own rig.”

“I-” you were taken aback by the voice coming out of his mouth. It was bitter, so unlike the flippant words usually emanating from him. “Sorry. It was just a suggestion.”

“No, you don’t get it. How would you feel if you were a nurse that didn’t, I don’t know, know what medicines you were handing out? Couldn’t work a needle? You’d feel stupid!”

“Poe-!”

“Just forget it.” He stood and brushed past you, wrenching open the door with his good hand. “I’ll take care of it myself.”

“Poe. I need to bandage that-”

“I’m fine!”

He was gone with an angry bang of the door. You stood there, frozen, tools still in hand. _What just happened?_ What did you say? That you cared about him? That he shouldn’t kill himself over some stupid wires?

You don’t know how long you stood there in that empty room, hearing his angry words echo on the white tile. Long enough for your supervisor to stick her head in and pull you out of your thoughts. “Y/N? You okay in here?” She poked her head in the room and frowned. “Where’s the patient..?”

“They left.” You stripped off your gloves and tossed them with the rest of the cotton pads.

“They left?” There was alarm in her voice. “Were they okay?”

You brushed past her on the way out, trying to keep the bewilderment out of your voice. “I guess so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry this is weird and short, I didn’t know how to resolve this in this chapter


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is a nurse on the Resistance base of D’Qar, used to keeping her head down in a book and doing her work. Until a certain pilot takes interest in you, promising to make life a little more interesting.
> 
> Content Includes: Language, Alcohol, Gambling. Slight Teen rating towards the end, which will be marked

You were a very good secret keeper. Partly because half the time you forgot what secret you were supposed to be keeping anyways, and mostly because you didn’t have anyone to tell them to, save a diary you half heartedly kept on the off hours. Which is why you were a little mad when you checked the work schedule in the early morning and saw your block was infuriatingly blank. Mostly at yourself, since you always made it a point to keep your birthday to yourself.

The General had a way of finding out these things. _Couldn’t Force users, like, read minds or something..? Best not think about that, probably._

It wasn’t that you hated your birthday, or had some traumatic event that had turned you off of it forever. You just didn’t think it was anything worth celebrating. There were billions of people in the galaxy, nearly all of them more important than an uninteresting nurse from the outer rim. Celebrating the General’s birthday, or a commander’s? Sure. But you honestly just preferred to be busy. Usefulness was what you prided yourself on; it wasn’t like you had much else to offer.

You tried to sneak into medbay anyways, taking on the jobs nobody ever wanted to do, like inventory or cleaning, but you shift head quickly shoo’d you away with a confused smile.

“You’ve got a day off; what the hell are you doing in here!” There was a smile in her voice, and she had a friendly, exasperated look on her face. “Go enjoy it, Y/N. No arguments.”

Lydia used to be one of your favorite managers. You might need to knock her down a few places on the list.

You spent the day wandering aimlessly, watching everyone do their jobs _like you were supposed to be doing_ , floating back and forth between a new book, walking around base, and straightening your room. Not the most exciting day ever. Karissa was working a double shift, so you couldn’t really steal her for an impromptu… something. It’d been a while since you celebrated a birthday. Did people still do parties? Could you have a party with one person?

You had a feeling everyone else would find that thought hideously depressing. You just kind of found it funny. You had plenty of acquaintances on base, but no one you’d think to go up to an say “hey, wanna come over to my place and celebrate this totally arbitrary holiday?” Yeah, no. Karissa would weasel her way in somehow, and that would be fine, and… _Poe_. Poe seemed like someone who would care about birthdays, and you felt you could solidly place him in the friend category now- but he was off base on a mission.

You hadn’t seen Poe for a week, and you honestly couldn’t say you minded. What had you done? Said you cared about the man? Force forbid you express any sort of concern over his wellbeing. Friends could do that, right? Friends should do that. It wasn’t as if you meant it as anything more…

Maybe he misconstrued it. Maybe… he had taken it as a declaration of something else, when just days ago he had explicitly said you were just friends. Maybe that was it?

Still. No reason to be rude about it.

  
And so, you found yourself alone for dinner, other than the anthology tucked under your arm. Which you really didn’t mind; you’d eaten dinner alone plenty of times before. Most of the time, actually. But looking around at the giant groups of people gathered to eat- some had to drag tables together to make room for everyone- you couldn’t help but feel the tiniest pang of loneliness in the pit of your stomach.

The line cook on duty smiled at you, at least, when you stood in line to get your tray. You smiled back, briefly, before leafing through the pages of your book to find where you’d left off. It took them awhile to get a plate together sometimes. They must’ve been out of something, because the cook ran to the back kitchen once you got in line.

“Miss Y/N?” You looked up from your poetry. The blonde teen gave you a grin. “We’ve got orders to give you something special today.”

“Oh. No-” you tried not to roll your eyes at the poor kid. “That’s really not necessary; I just want what everyone else is having.”

“Honestly, I’d fear for my life if I didn’t give it to you,” he joked, handing you a tray with a silver dome on top of it. “For my sake, just take it off my hands?”

This time you did roll your eyes, but you accepted the tray, sliding your book underneath it so you could balance it in one hand. “If I must.” He saluted you and turned to help the next in line. You sighed. You’d really need to talk to General Organa about not giving you any special treatment. This was ridiculous, and the polished silver was so out of place in the dining hall it was drawing stares.

You sat in a back corner, facing away from everyone, trying to ignore the tray you’d shoved to the side. Surprises made you lose your appetite.

“What the kriff is this?” Your book was suddenly lifted from your hands and held above you, pages fluttering. “Seriously, Y/N, what have I told you about eating alone?”

“What the hell do you think you- wait.” You’d recognize that voice anywhere, even as he hid his face behind your stolen novel. “Poe?”

“Hm.” He pretended to be studying whatever page he landed on, looking intently at the writing. “Hush, I’m trying to read.”

“I thought you were off base!” Your voice was a half octave higher than normal, and you felt a smile spreading across your face. You were supposed to be mad at him, damn it, but the second you saw him your heart had lifted into something lighter. Maybe the day was going to look up after all.

“Just got back, actually.” He swatted away your attempts at grabbing your book back out of his hand. “Mind if I sit?”

“Depends, are you going to give me the book?”

“Nope.” His grin was mega-watt. “You don’t need it, now you’ve got me to talk to!”

“Joy oh joy. Just what I wanted,” you deadpanned, just to hear him laugh again.

“Hungry? I could grab you something.”

“Oh.” You looked forlornly at the shiny monstrosity at the end of the table. “Apparently something special was ordered for me.” You grimaced a bit. “I’m kind of avoiding it.”

“Why? What’s the occasion?”

“Um-” Shoot. What to say, what to say… “It’s nothing, really.”

“You really need to work on that poker face.” He was smirking, holding your book teasingly in front of you. “I could just hold this hostage…”

You rolled your eyes, snatching it out of his grip. “It’s my birthday, an apparently General Organa found out, somehow. Like I said, not important.”

He stilled, gaping at you. “Not… not IMPORTANT? It’s your BIRTHDAY!”

“Jesus, keep your voice down!” You felt red splotches appearing on your cheeks. “I don’t make a big fuss about it, okay?”

“That is not acceptable.” He slid his chair back and stood, rubbing his hands together- standing on the chair-

“Poe. Poe. Get- get down! Poe!”

“EXCUSE ME!” Hands to his mouth, Poe practically screamed across the dining hall, voice echoing overtop all the chatter and commotion. A bright orange shouting thing standing on a chair naturally garnered some attention, and most of the other occupants turned to look. “IF I COULD HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE!”

“Oh my god.” The second he had started yelling, your face had been buried in your hands, trying to be as invisible as possible. “Oh my god. You are not- _sit down Poe.”_

He grinned down at you. “Watch me.” He cleared his throat, turning back to the listening crowd. “Thank you, everyone. Now, it has very recently come to my attention that there is a birthday that has yet to be celebrated-”

“ _Oh my god_ ,” you whispered horrified. This was not happening.

“And as I’m sure you all know, we have a tradition to uphold.” There were hoots from the crowd, as well as a few banging on their tables. Tradition? Please, god-

“If you will please stand, Miss Y/N!” He held out a hand with a flourish, obviously intending to help you out of your seat. Into standing. In front of everyone. You glared at him, trying to work some feeling back into your clenched fists. He raised an eyebrow, beckoning again. That damn look on his face. He could probably talk you into jumping off a cliff with those eyes.

You stood, stiffly, turning to face the room with your entire body tense. There was some laughter at your white-as-a-sheet face, and yells of encouragement. “And- a one, Two, THREE-”

The room _imploded_ , as every single person- EVERY single person- proceeded to sing a rousing rendition of the birthday song. An earthshaking, off-key, room-rattling chorus of yells and screams and goofy, high pitched wailing as everyone, no matter the skill level, did their best to bring the roof down about your ears.

You winced at the wall of noise, clapping your hands to your ears. You could hear Poe cackling behind you before joining in, adding his deep voice to the mix. You worked up the nerve to crack an eye open and was greeted with the sight of everyone swaying back and forth, clapping on the beat, or simply grinning madly as they sang along. You mirrored their expression without thinking about it, suddenly- impossibly- enjoying yourself. They were so dorky, everyone clearly trying to see who could scream the loudest, you couldn’t help but laugh. And maybe even hum along for a second, throwing in a harmony or two, though you wouldn’t ever admit it to your dying breath.

As the last chord echoed, probably heard on the other side of the whole damn planet, there were more cheers and clapping and stomping. You laughed, trying to push through the wall of solid sound being projected at you. It felt a little like swimming, almost- you were suspended in the joy pouring out of everyone else, buoyed by the happiness, and you marveled that so many people would put so much effort into something for someone the probably didn’t even know.

You felt strong arms wrap around your waist and you shrieked as Poe picked you up and spun you aground, much to the delight of the spectators- quite a few wolf whistles rang out as he set you back down on the floor. You sat down hard, dizzy, flushed and electrified. By the room, and the singing. Not by Poe hugging you. Obviously.

Eventually they all turned back to their own meals and conversations, leaving you and Poe back in your own little corner once again. Except he was still giggling at the shocked expression stuck on your face, and you were contemplating whether or not to punch him or hug him again.

“There,” he said, obviously satisfied with the chaos he’d caused. “Now you’ve had a proper birthday.”

“I’m seriously considering throttling you right now.”

“Oh!” He ignored your comment, sliding the forgotten silver dish right in front of your face. “Not yet. Presents are required.”

“It’s not a present, Poe, it’s just something from the kitchen-” you grabbed the handle and removed the lid, revealing-

_Whoa_.

You were expecting a bigger portion than normal. Maybe a little piece of cake. But the tray was full of tiny, sugared confections, from squares of chocolate so dark they looked black to colorful crystal sculptures, miniature hearts and stars and even a spaceship tucked right in the middle. Sugar was sprinkled over the whole dish like snow, making the whole thing shimmer cheerfully in front of you.

“What-” you tried to breathe, gently touching a candy that had been woven into a delicate braid. It looked like stained glass; it refracted light, casting tiny shadows over its delicate neighbors. “What the… what is this?”

Poe was watching your face carefully, the smile in his eyes glowing full force. “You like it?”

“I-” You looked up at him. “You did this?”

“Well, no.” You raised a bewildered eyebrow at him. “I just picked them out. But they did come all the way from Corusaunt, so I guess I can claim that I flew them safely halfway across the galaxy.”

“You brought these… from Corusaunt.”

“Uh huh.” He was looking at a piece decorated with a warm brown frosting that exactly matched his eyes. “Pretty, right?”

“How did you know?” You looked at him, still floored at the treasure trove sitting in front of you. This- it was- he had done this for you. He had gone all the way to another planet to bring you the most beautiful candies you’d ever seen in the entire galaxy. For your birthday. For you.

“About your birthday?” He grinned. “I asked Karissa.”

Oh she was so going to get it later.

But this was…

“Poe… this is too much.”

“No, I’d say it’s just about right, considering what an ass I was before I left.” He rubbed a hand on the back of his neck. “I was having a bad day, and you were right, and I just… took it out on you. It wasn’t right. So, I was trying to find a way to make it up to you, and…”

“ I- I don’t even know what to say.” You were practically close to tears, damn him, and he was just sitting there with that grin on his face like he had given you something as mundane as a napkin.

“You can say, wow, thanks Poe! These are my favorite, how did you know I have an insatiable sweet tooth? This is the most amazing-”

You scraped your chair back from the table and went around to his side, never moving your gaze from the sweetest gift anyone had ever given you. And very carefully, leaned down behind his chair and wrapped your arm around his shoulders, squeezing briefly, but tightly.

“Thank you so much,” you whispered, putting as much gratitude as you could behind the words, as insignificant as they were.

He raised a hand to your arm and squeezed back, turning his head a little so he could see the small bit of water gathering in your eyes. “You’re welcome,” he whispered, bumping your head with his. “Happy birthday, Y/N.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Motto of the story- damn Poe and all his charm
> 
> Also, the idea of Corusaunt candies comes from the absolutely stellar ficlet Kissing Sweetly by warqueenfuriosa (https://warqueenfuriosa.tumblr.com/post/164702155405/kissing-sweetly-poe-dameron-x-reader) Go read it and prepare for all the squeals of cuteness.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is a nurse on the Resistance base of D’Qar, used to keeping her head down in a book and doing her work. Until a certain pilot takes interest in you, promising to make life a little more interesting.
> 
> Content Includes: Language, Alcohol, Gambling. Slight Teen rating towards the end, which will be marked

Paperwork wasn’t your definition of a good time.

It wasn’t anyone’s definition of a good time. Or if it was, you’d need to thoroughly check them out for signs of insanity. A giant stack of paper sat before you on a rickety wooden desk, promising hours of fun before closing with a cramp in your hand and a massive headache. Armed with your favorite pen and a fleece wrapped around your legs, you dug in, trying not to sigh too heavily as the words began blurring in front of you already…

…and you promptly woke up drooling all over some recruit’s medical folder. You awkwardly tried to wipe the folder clean with your sleeve. So much for that attempt.

Scraping your chair back, you extended your legs, trying to stretch the sleep out of your body-

_Clang_.

“Ow! What the hell?” You winced as you rubbed your stubbed toes. A slow series of whirs and beeps came from under your desk. You froze, and cautiously moved back to look underneath the table-

“BB-8!” You laughed, chiding yourself for getting freaked out. “You almost gave me a heart attack, bud! What are you doing under there?” He had always seemed to like you, which made Poe beam like a proud parent, but right now he was skittish and on edge.

Another few beeps and a click came from 8. You would’ve sworn they sounded ornery, like a five year old who didn’t want to eat his vegetables. You spoke a little binary from spending time around medical droids, but you were by no means fluent. You frowned. The normally energetic bot was uncharacteristically quiet. “Is something wrong, 8?”

He shook his head weakly with a low _boooop_. A light on a control panel flickered red.   
Uh oh. You didn’t really know mechanics but red usually meant bad. Could droids get sick? You really didn’t want to be caught with Poe’s pride and joy dying at your hands. Quickly, you ran to the door and pulled it open, poking your head out into the hallway. There were a few workers passing by, chatting to each other, and you waved one of them over.

“Hi. Sorry, random question, could you go find Poe Dameron for me? Please and thanks?”

The kid looked at you confusedly, and then shrugged. “Sure, I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thanks. Oh, tell him Y/N is looking for him!” He nodded and wandered off in the direction of the airfield. You sighed, and closed the door, turning your attention back to the little guy, who was now huddled in the back corner underneath the desk.

You sat down a few feet away from him, cross legged, trying to look friendly. You didn’t want to spook him. “You want to come out here and sit with me?” No response. “I found someone to go get Poe, he’ll be here in a minute.” His head raised a little at Poe’s name, then sunk back down. “Should I call him Dad?” You teased, giving a little grin. That got a few beeps. You scooted a little closer, lightly running a hand over his casing. He didn’t seem to mind, rolling a little closer until he bumped against your knee, so you kept going, murmuring comforting little phrases. Something was obviously up with him. “I’m sorry, I don’t know how to make you feel better, buddy. You’re gonna get some help soon, okay?”

You sat like that for a while, and BB8’s mood seemed to drop lower and lower with each minute. His lights dimmed and a few flickered out altogether.

There was a knock on the door, and with that, he was back under the desk.

You sighed. “Yeah?”

“Y/N? It’s me. Is everything okay?”

You stood and opened the door quietly. Poe was standing there, top half of his flight suit tied around his waist. He looked tired; his hair was a mess and there was a concerned look in his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

You held a finger to your lips, indicating him to be quiet, and he nodded, stepping into the still room. A few papers fluttered from the mini fan sitting across the room. “I think something’s wrong with your droid.”

He started, raising his eyebrows. “You found him? Where is he? I’ve been looking for him all day-”

You cut him off with a nod towards the table. “He’s hiding underneath my desk, I think.”

Poe sighed, ducking down to look into the darkness. There was an alarmed _peeep_! And BB8 rolled away from Poe, taking refuge behind your legs. You laughed and patted his little head, looking at Poe mischievously. “I think he likes me better.”

Poe rolled his eyes and collapsed into the desk chair, roughly shoving his hands through his curls with a frustrated huff. “He’s been hiding from me all day. It is _time_ -” Poe enunciated, looking pointedly at 8, “-for his diagnostics. Which he doesn’t like,” he finished, gesturing at the bot, who was still putting as much as he could between himself and the pilot.

“Aw!” Your heart swelled for the little droid. He reminded you of the younger kids you worked with on your home planet, who hid behind their mother’s legs whenever they came into the office. You carefully took a seat beside him, reaching up to tweak his antenna. “You know, I’m a mechanic, kind of, but for people. And getting a checkup really isn’t that bad.” BB-8’s lens focused on you. You smiled brightly at him. “Cross my heart. It’s actually really good! You get to make sure you’re all nice and healthy. I’m sure you’ll get your lens polished, and make sure your casing is all bright and shiny…”

“And,” Poe interrupted, “get your battery replaced, since you’re clearly almost dead, 8!”

_Click click whrrrrrr_

Poe laughed. “No, buddy, Y/N can’t take you to the mechs. You’re just gonna have to live with me.”

“Actually.” You glanced at the dreaded paperwork. “I’m not really doing anything right now. Would walking you there make you feel better?” Boop boop. You raised an eyebrow at Poe. “That okay?”

He grinned at the both of you, looking for all the world like everything he needed was right there in that room. “I think that can be arranged.” He held the door open. “Lead the way, little man. We’ll be right behind you.”

You nudged him towards the door and he rolled for it, Poe holding it open for you and then letting it swing shut. Your little trio made its way down the hallway, BB8 looking back at you occasionally to make sure you were still there. You grinned and waved at him every time, and threw in a few words of encouragement. With you looking at 8, you didn’t notice Poe looking at you. There was something in his eyes that would’ve made you blush, if you had seen him.

“Well well well, my favorite nuisance!” You stopped in front of a girl wearing oil-covered overalls, a tool belt hanging from her hips. “Finally decided to stop avoiding me, huh?” BB8 gave an ashamed little pip and rolled over to her side. The girl laughed. “And here I thought I was your favorite!”

“One difficult patient, just for you,” Poe interjected, nodding a greeting at the mechanic. “Hope you’re up for the challenge, Saf.”

“Who do you think I am, Poe Dameron?” Saf put an exaggerated hand to her chest, looking horribly offended. “I’ll have him shipshape in no time.” She turned to her work, waving the two of you off. “Pick him up in a few hours!”

“Thanks, Saf. As always, you’re a gem.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
There was a knock at the door. “Come in!”

Poe leaned on the doorframe casually, both arms lose behind his back. He was off duty, in simple pants and a purple shirt that brought out the color of his eyes. Not that you noticed. Too much. You smiled at him, grateful for a break from the forms you were filling out. “Hey. How’s the patient?”

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

You laughed as BB-8 came speeding in, beeping happily. He spun in a few circles like he was showing off for you, and you clapped, cheering him on with a few whistles. “Look who’s all snazzy! Feeling better?” He nodded an affirmative, before rolling back over to Poe and nudging the back of his legs, chattering at him insistently. “What’s he saying?” You shook your head, amused. “He’s talking too fast for me to follow.”

Poe looked down at his friend, feigning surprise. “What’s that bud? Oh… Oh! You want to give her this?” He pulled a brown paper package out from behind his back. “Well go on, be my guest!”

He jokingly balanced the twine-tied parcel on 8’s tiny head, and you both chuckled when the droid raced forward, only to spin around confusedly when the cargo didn’t seem to move with him. He looked up at Poe; you imagined him with puppy dog eyes. Poe scratched the top of his head affectionately. “Okay, bud, I suppose I can help you out,” he winked at you as he held out the mystery to you.

You had been so caught up in the little ball of sweetness you were almost startled when he proffered it to you. “For me?” Poe raised an eyebrow and nodded subtly down at 8. “From you!” you exclaimed, grinning with genuine joy at the little bot. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“Saf said he was the best patient she’d ever had today. Which is not usually the case,” he added, smirking down at BB-8. “So he wanted to give you a little something to thank you.”

“He did, did he?” You returned the pilot’s raised eyebrow, smiling softly at him. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say he looked a little embarrassed under your gaze. Carefully, you peeled away the wrapping, revealing a thick fuzzy blanket, big enough to be two heads taller than you. Poe helped you spread it out and you chuckled when it revealed a white and orange striped design. “White and orange! Hmm, what does that remind me of?” You pulled the blanket around you and sat proudly on the floor, letting the ends pool around you. “Look!” You gestured for 8 to come sit next to you. “Now we match.”  
You looked up at Poe, who was still in the doorway. “Well? How do we look?”

Poe had his hands up covering his face, peeking at the two of you through a few fingers. “Fucking adorable,” he admitted, trying to cover his giggles. “Stars, what am I going to do with the two of you?”

The room seemed to grow brighter as you looked at him, and he at you. BB-8 sped around noisily, getting tangled up in your new present, but you hardly noticed as Poe held your gaze.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
When the two of them had finally left, promising a visit soon, you collapsed on the bed, clutching your prize to your chest. You thought you might burst with happiness. How had this happened? It felt like one minute you were minding your own business, and the next your room was dotted with spoils from Poe’s adventures and your impromptu meet ups. Blankets draped over the edge of your bed in every color and style of the galaxy. Dried flowers in a vase on your dresser. The dice you’d won gambling. Pieces of candy too pretty to eat proudly displayed on a little shelf, being saved for a special occasion (your birthday? Or Poe’s birthday. You hadn’t decided).

A bare room transformed into a haven of loveliness. He never stopped surprising you, and deep down, you hoped he never would. He was everywhere, and for the first time, you wondered how you had possibly lived without him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Because all we need in life is more BB-8 getting treated to belly scratches


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is a nurse on the Resistance base of D’Qar, used to keeping her head down in a book and doing her work. Until a certain pilot takes interest in you, promising to make life a little more interesting.
> 
> Content Includes: Language, Alcohol, Gambling. Slight Teen rating towards the end, which will be marked

Until he wasn’t.  
You knew a mission had been assigned a week ago (eight days… not that you had been counting) because Poe had told you about it on one of your walks. You had worn the blue shawl he had gifted you all those months ago, listening to him chat about a routine flight to the outer rim, just to check on some villages that were having some trouble staying afloat. Nothing to worry about. You had seen him off with a smile, jokingly throwing a small med kit into the cockpit while he was talking to Snap on the other side of his rig. Hopefully he wouldn’t notice it until he was in the air.

But he had promised he’d be back in five days, at the most, and while those five days were a little painful, the extra three were downright agonizing. You found yourself hovering inconspicuously around the generals in the hallways or mess hall, trying to glean any bits of information about the mission from their whispered conversations. So much so that you had received more than one raised eyebrow from General Organa, making you blush and hurry on down the hallway to wherever you pretended you were going.

“What is up with you recently?” Karissa frowned, leaning against the side of her locker. “You’ve been bitchy all week, and I know you’re not on your period because we’ve all practically synced at this point-”

“Karissa!” You cut her off with a hiss, shoving stuff into your messenger bag. “Nothing is _up_ with me, I’m just…” you found a plastic baggie of the nuts Poe had introduced you to who knows how long ago. You stared at them a second before carefully placing them in your pocket. “Tired. In a bad mood, I guess.”

Karissa, for all her faults, didn’t miss much when it came to you. “I see,” she said carefully, not looking at the bulge in your pocket. “This wouldn’t happen to be related to a certain pilot being off base, would it?”

You barely stopped yourself from snapping at her. Looked around, to make sure no one was eavesdropping, but the few people in the room were too busy with their lunches or other conversations. “I miss him,” you admitted, leaning back until your head hit metal with a dull thud. “And I can’t seem to make myself stop.”

She took one look at your face, and gave an uncharacteristically serious sigh. “Let’s go grab some coffee, yeah? My treat.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steaming cups in hand, you noticed Karissa purposefully aimed the two of you away from the airfield, instead heading for a walking path on the other side of the base. You blew on your drink and sipped it cautiously, letting the hot liquid burn its way down your chest.

Poe always liked his bitter.

“Y/N.” The other girl fixed you with a somber look. “When are you going to ‘fess up and admit you like the man?”

You shook your head, looking down at your boots as they crunched through dirt. “We’re just friends. Even if I wanted… something else,” you mentally winced at how awkward that sounded. “He’s not looking for anything like that.”

Karissa scoffed. “Says who?”

Says who? “Shit, I don’t know, Karissa! Poe hasn’t ever told me anything different-”

“…right. Except for showering you with gifts, turning up at the end of your shifts to walk you home, sneaking out to wander the base with you at night-”

You cut her off with a glare. “We aren’t sneaking. It’s walking. Besides, Jessika told me-”

Karissa stopped abruptly, letting a little of her coffee slosh over the side of the cup. “Hold on. Jessika Pava Jessika? What did she tell you?”

“-that Poe wasn’t looking for anything like that,” you finished lamely, taking a huge gulp of your drink.

For a moment the other nurse just stared at you. And then the laughing started. Big, huge, gasping laughs that were so loud a few birds took off from nearby treetops. “Oh my god. I’m sorry, YN,” Karissa hiccuped, “but for someone so smart you are really, insanely thick sometimes.”

You tried not to be annoyed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Karissa. Maybe try and be a little more explicit for the idiot over here.”

She softened a little at that. “Hon, Jessika Pava has been in love with Poe for like, centuries. Everyone knows it. Hell, Poe plays oblivious but even he probably knows it.” The girl rolled her eyes. “She’s way past desperate territory.”

You stared at her. “What?” She demanded. “You know I keep up with these things. Though you don’t really have to be in the know about this one. And,” she added with a tilt of the head, “she’s probably jealous.”

“Of me?”

“Of you.”

It was your turn to laugh. “Yeah, sure. Poe and Jessika are best friends, okay? They work together, they’re around each other constantly…”

“They’re best friends like you two are best friends?”

“I-” Oh.

She snorted. “Yeah, oh. I don’t care what Jessika Pava said, Poe is head over heels for you. Just the way he looks at you when you walk in is enough to make me gag sometimes. In happiness!” She quickly added. “For the two of you! Because you’re so cute together!”

“Yeah, nice save.”

“Mhm.” She took another sip of her drink. “So?”

“So what?”

“What are you going to do?”

You stared at the dredges of your coffee like it would reveal the perfect answer. “I have no fucking clue.”

“Look, gentleman types aren’t gonna be the ones to make the first move. So you have to do it yourself.”

“I- I don’t know, Karissa-”

“I know.” She looked at you, and there was a twinkle in her eye. “I know you’re scared, and nauseous, and thinking about him makes your head spin, and the thought of even remotely acting on it makes you feel like the world is ending.” You blinked. “That’s love, hon.”

You didn’t say anything, just focused on the path in front of you.

“If the two of you don’t end up together by year’s end, I swear to god I will cut off my own braid.”

“Or Jessika Pava’s.”

That comment was enough to send you both into fits, desperately trying to keep you drinks from spilling. Karissa seemed so confident about the two of you. It made you feel like… well. Maybe it wouldn’t turn out so badly after all. You would tell him when he got back, you decided. A victory in the air, Poe and the rest of his squadron celebrating- it would be the perfect time. You hoped.

_Please let Karissa be right._

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is a nurse on the Resistance base of D’Qar, used to keeping her head down in a book and doing her work. Until a certain pilot takes interest in you, promising to make life a little more interesting.
> 
> Content Includes: Language, Alcohol, Gambling. Slight Teen rating towards the end, which will be marked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Angst ahead!

The waiting was excruciating. The Black Squadron’s return was more so. Because not all of them came back.

You were with a first response team, huddled on the flight deck while waiting for the incoming pilots. The General had informed you they would be arriving shortly- nothing more. So you and a team rounded up emergency supplies and went to meet them, ready for anyone in need of assistance. You never knew what would tumble out of an X-Wing: a few bruises, a cut on the cheek, or entire missing limbs. So you waited, shivering, to see what the skies would reveal.

One ship came into view. Then another. And two more.

You glanced to the right, across the landing pad. General Organa had a tight-lipped expression, dark eyes revealing nothing as she watched them land. One ship practically collapsed onto the asphalt, and a trio of responders peeled off to meet it. You held back, trying to keep yourself breathing as the pilots removed their helmets. You were met with weary expressions, dry blood dotting more than one forehead, and not a single pair of brown eyes smiling into yours.

You looked again.

And again.

And by the time the meager group had gathered around the command officers, you were trying to keep your knees from collapsing.

He always came back. Always. He could scrape through on a wing and a half if he had to, to get his team back home. And himself. He promised this was a routine check and there was nothing to worry about. You made him pinky swear over a game of chess in the lounge, his fingers almost crushing yours.

_If you broke a pinky swear, Dameron, I will personally revive you just so I can kill you myself._

The thought made you giggle a little hysterically.

Corbin was looking at you with a concerned expression, wrapping some bandages to take over to the impromptu meeting. You quickly grabbed the alcohol and went with him, desperate for any sort of news.

“…don’t know where they went down. Maybe Hoth. The rest were shot out of the sky. There was just so many.” Jessika winced as Corbin began to dab a nasty gash on her arm. “We were lucky to get away with who we have.”

The General nodded briskly. “Reports can wait. All of you-” she glanced pointedly at you and Corbin- “need to go to medbay. Corbin and Y/N will escort you. No excuses,” she added, as one pilot tried to protest. He was ushered towards the base at a slow walk so everyone could keep up, despite the limping. They were quiet. So, so quiet. You finally worked up the courage to gently catch Jessika’s wrist, holding her back from the somber parade shuffling down the hallway.

“Jess-”

“Don’t. Ask.”

_Shit. Shit shit shitshitshit_

“Jessika. Please. Just tell me-”

“It was an ambush, okay?” There was fire in her eyes, unmarred by the bruises coloring the side of her face. “A kriffing trap. We-” her voice cracked. “We never stood a chance.” She kept walking, footsteps thudding louder than your heart in the deserted walkway.

“Where is he.”

She shook her head, weakly. “Don’t torture yourself.”

“Jessika. Jessika!” She stopped. The tears in your voice made her pause, because they matched her own. “Please. Please just tell me.”

She swallowed. A cut on the side of her throat rippled open a little farther. “He went down on Hoth. Hard. Both engines shot. No emergency backup.” She closed her eyes. “We did a flyover. Couldn’t even find the wreckage.”

_Oh, stars. No. Please no._

She looked at you carefully, impassively, tracing the salt streaks that ran down your cheeks with a blank gaze. “I told you not to ask.” And she walked away as the world started to crumble beneath you.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is a nurse on the Resistance base of D’Qar, used to keeping her head down in a book and doing her work. Until a certain pilot takes interest in you, promising to make life a little more interesting.
> 
> Content Includes: Language, Alcohol, Gambling. Slight Teen rating towards the end, which will be marked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Angst.

You didn’t remember much, after that. You had made it back to your room, because you woke up in your bed, sheets twisted into knots, hair even worse. Your uniform was damp, from sweat or tears you didn’t know. For one moment, everything was fine. And then you remembered.

You stared at the ceiling, trying to ignore the urge to rip every single blanket decorating your room to shreds. And burn the rest.

You loved him.

You had come to the conclusion late at night, after throwing things and screaming and tears had wracked your body and you sat in the middle of your room, spent, with nothing more to give. You loved him. You loved his smile and the way he would sling his arm around your shoulder, laughing at something you had said even though it really wasn’t that funny. You loved his gifts, never knowing what surprise would show up where. You loved how easy he was with you, how he made you relax after a stressful day. How he’d seek you out when he was frustrated or upset and you’d take a walk and his eyes would magically brighten. You loved to hear him talk, about anything- some bet he’d won, his mother teaching him to fly, the newest hijinks the pilots had gotten themselves into in town. How he’d listen to you rant about a new recruit completely botching a diagnosis and you had to go in and clean up. Kicking rocks on the walking path like a child. Listening to him breathe on the couch next to you as you read your book, sitting in comfortable silence.

You loved him.

Goddamnit, Karissa.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
When you got to medbay, nobody stared at you. Nobody even looked at you. A welcome respite, as everyone else on base seemed keen to take in every aspect of your swollen red eyes and harried appearance. You didn’t know if you were scheduled. You didn’t care. You looked at the chart, grabbed an IV bag, and went to administer it. You didn’t notice when the regularly scheduled nurse came in. He stopped when he saw you, bent over the patient’s vein with ruthless concentration. He backed out, and quietly shut the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
You didn’t leave the ward for two days, running yourself ragged amongst patients with colds, some sort of rash, migraines, and broken bones. You did not see anyone from the Black Squadron, when they came in for inspection. Everyone worked around you, absorbing an extra presence like you were supposed to be here in the first place. Somewhere in the back of your mind you reasoned that the other nurses were picking up your regular duties, and you were grateful. You didn’t follow a schedule: you saw something that needed to be done, and you did it. Mindlessly. You didn’t let yourself think about anything else.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
You roughly peeled off an extra layer and wadded it up, shoving it in the back of your locker. _It was so goddamn hot in here, could someone please have the brains to fix that?_ You had work to do.

“Y/N.”

You didn’t stop, pulling a brush through your hair to tie it up into a bun.

“Y/N. When’s the last time you’ve eaten?”

You wrapped a tie around your hair, and Karissa grabbed your arm, spinning you around to face her. “Y/N.” There was a pleading tone in her voice, a softness, that you were not used to hearing coming out of her loud mouth. You hated it. You didn’t want pity. “Talk to me. Please.”

Something fluttered off the shelf behind you, and you unconsciously bent down to pick it up. A note. Poe’s note.

You crushed it, slammed the locker shut, and walked away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
The dining hall’s volume dropped a few notches when you walked in. You pretended not to notice. You wanted the chatter to fill your ears, buzzing through your brain, pushing out anything else.

You sat in your customary spot. Where Poe would sit across from you, lounging like he was a king from some far off dominion.

You picked up your tray and moved to the other side of the room.

Snap joined you, eventually. He sat across from you, a few feet down, staring at a dinner he hadn’t eaten. He was sick, when the Black Squadron had initially taken off. Exempted from the mission, because he was too dehydrated and running a fever. He had black circles under his eyes. The break had afforded him no rest. He should have been there, he told you, without moving his gaze from the tray. It wasn’t fair that they were gone and he was not. Sheer luck. Stupid, horrid luck.

It was nice, in a way. Not being the only ghost roaming around. Sometimes you would inexplicably find yourselves in the same room, or walking along the same path, and you’d fall into step without saying a word. Feeding off each other’s quiet gravity.

Snap was handsome, and charming, and charismatic. Funny, quick with a joke, always ready to help someone else out with a prank or a dare. In another life, you might’ve been completely satisfied, having Snap walking along beside you.

Snap was not Poe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
There was banging on the door. Loud. Not worried about courtesy at 2 AM, when most of the base was asleep.

You were not. You were lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. The bed was bare. All the blankets you owned were piled haphazardly in a corner, out of your sightline.

“Y/N!” The banging continued, desperate, harried. Snap. Another nightmare, probably. You were all plagued with them now.

But when you activated the door, it did not reveal a man plagued by dreams. The bags under his eyes were still there, and his sleepwear was wrinkled from tossing and turning and never getting comfortable (you knew because yours looked the same). But his eyes were bright and shiny. Alive. Hopeful.

“Y/N.”

You waited.

“Y/N. They got a distress signal. From Hoth.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is a nurse on the Resistance base of D’Qar, used to keeping her head down in a book and doing her work. Until a certain pilot takes interest in you, promising to make life a little more interesting.
> 
> Content Includes: Language, Alcohol, Gambling. Slight Teen rating towards the end, which will be marked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Angst

You shoulder-checked several people running down the hallway, trying to keep up with a frantic Snap, but you hardly noticed. He led you down some unfamiliar hallways deeper in the base.

_A signal. From Hoth. Jessika had said-_

Your hopes soared, as unwise as you knew it to be. It could be anything. A fluke. A mistake. Another squadron member. But your heart knew, and so did Snap, as he didn’t wait for his knock to be answered on a large metal door.

The air was tense. You saw the general and the Black Squadron crowded around a giant holograph map of what you assumed to be Hoth. Minuscule villages dotted the surface, and sites of recent battles. And one lone red dot, miles and miles from any sort of civilization. There would be no reason for anything to be out that far.

_Unless he crashed. And he had to hide, from the Order pilots that were tailing him. He could have found a cave, or some sort of abandoned shelter-_

  
Snap gently touched your shoulder, bringing you out of your daydreams, and led you to a corner. Leaning against the wall, you let the cold seep into your spine, trying to get some sort of clarity from it.

General Organa was speaking. “It is reasonable to assume that the distress call came from one of our own. The signal was sent from Resistance tech, and beamed for several minutes before cutting out again.” Her grey eyes were hard as stone as she stared at the map. “Ice storms are common on Hoth, this time of year.”

“It’s Poe.” Jessika had spoken up from the front of the group, clenching the control console so hard her knuckles were white. “It has to be.”

Murmurs rose from the small gathering, rising and mixing with the tension until the buzzing made you dizzy. _It has to be. Has to be._

“Perhaps. At any rate, I would like you to respond.” Leia nodded at Jessika. “With Snap recovering and Poe-” she paused. Took a breath. “You will assume the lead for this flight. We can’t send many with you, given that the First Order may still be monitoring the area. A transport is being fueled. It should be large enough for any…recoveries, you may make.”

“I need to go.”

Snap’s hand squeezed your wrist tightly in shock. Everyone in the room turned to look at you from where you had spoken. You should be terrified. You should let command do their job. But you squared your shoulders back, stepping forward into the blue glow of the hologram. “Ma’am. Pardon my outburst. But, I need to go. You’ll need- someone who knows how to treat extreme hypothermia.” Your nails were curled into your hands, leaving crescent moons on your palms. “Should there be anyone needing medical assistance. I can provide it.”

“You grew up in a desert,” Jessika hissed. “What makes you think you’re qualified for this?”

The General held your gaze, and you returned it, not standing down. Please. Please, I need to. I have to. You didn’t know exactly how the Force worked, but in that moment, it didn’t matter. The emotion behind your conviction was enough. Some of the crew looked at you with pity. But something in Leia’s eyes softened. You saw it, behind the steel gaze. It was the same look your mother had given you, hugging you goodbye for the last time.

She nodded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
You returned to the flight deck with minutes to spare, having packed a med bag and thrown on all the layers you owned in preparation for the climate. If anyone had thoughts about the blue shawl thrown over your outfit, they kept them to themselves.

Jessika threw a helmet at you. “Can’t hear anything in the cockpit without a comm. You’re up front with me.” She stalked off, calling to the mechanics who were making final preparations.  
Snap helped you situate your bag by your feet and demonstrated how to strap yourself in. His fingers were fumbling, but his gaze was strong, reassuring you with every steady breath. Once you were in, ever so lightly, he pressed a chaste kiss to your temple. “From him,” he nodded. “And all of us. We’re rooting for you.”

He stepped back as the engines roared, Jessika at the controls, deftly maneuvering them into the air.

“Y/N.”

The General’s voice was crystal clear in your ear, despite there being a world between the two of you. You looked through your visor, out the window, across the airfield, where wind was pulling wisps of hair from Leia’s bun.

“Bring him home.”

You closed your eyes as gravity loosened its hold on you.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is a nurse on the Resistance base of D’Qar, used to keeping her head down in a book and doing her work. Until a certain pilot takes interest in you, promising to make life a little more interesting.
> 
> Content Includes: Language, Alcohol, Gambling. Slight Teen rating towards the end, which will be marked

The ride was surprisingly quiet.

You had been on smaller transport ships before, and nursing had given you an iron stomach, so the turbulence was easy to deal with as long as you kept your eyes out the window on the stars passing by. They were closer than you had ever dreamed of. Like you could reach out and capture one, and give the shining diamond to Poe cupped in both hands. You imagined his smile, the wrinkles around his eyes as he laughed, teasing you for going to the ends of the galaxy just for him.

You loved him.

And as soon as you found him, you would tell him, Jessika be damned.

You were humming to yourself quietly, imagining fingertips dragging through starlight, trying to keep your hopes up against the odds. _Hang in there, Dameron. We’re coming._

“You know he’s probably dead by now.” Jessika’s voice was harsh, a low growl in her throat.

You frowned. “We were dispatched less than two hours after the signal came in. Surely he-”

“And he’s been on that planet nearly two weeks.” She shook her head. “I know Hoth. It’s where the First Order sends rogue troops to die. There’s no way.” She grimaced bitterly. “We’re on our way to save a corpse.”

“General Organa thinks he’s alive.” She didn’t look at you. “She wouldn’t have sent me if she thought it was just a… recovery,” you finished, fingering the strap of your med kit anxiously.

“General Organa doesn’t know everything.”

More silence.

You kept humming, methodically going through your bag, just to give your hands something to do. Your fingers found the blanket folded at the bottom. It was grey fleece, nothing special, standard issue. But you buried your hands in it anyways, taking comfort in the warmth, trying not to think of all the colorful weaves back in your quarters. You prayed they wouldn’t become shrouds.

“I don’t get you.”

“Um.” If looks could kill, the control panel she glared at would be nothing but ashes. “Excuse me?”

“I don’t. Get you.” Jessika’s teeth were clenched, and she stared straight ahead as though she were talking to no one. “What’s so great about you? Why you, of all people. You’re a nurse, you’re no one special.”

You figured you should be insulted, but her words sounded more like thinking aloud than a direct attack. There was a desperation in her voice that almost made you pity her. Almost. You managed the iciest tone you could muster. “I’m afraid I’m not following you.”

The girl looked as though all the fight had gone out of her, slumped against her seat like her spine would no longer hold her up. “He loves you. And I can’t figure out why.”

He

_He loves you_

You thought of all the late night talks, the friendly competition, the jokes and laughter and whispers when you thought no one could hear. The blankets covering every surface of your room, filling it with patterns and colors from across the galaxy. The smile that seemed to be reserved just for you.

Oh, stars above

He loves you.

_Thank you, Karissa._

Jessika didn’t seem to hear your heart trying to beat its way out of your chest. “Ever since that damn explosion, he couldn’t stop talking about you. Couldn’t stop noticing you. He asked about you, to everyone, anyone who would listen, but no one seemed to know bantha shit about you, and that was the last straw.” She chuckled bitingly, a sharp sound echoing through the comm. “Poe can’t stand a mystery. A challenge. So he started looking for you. And then he couldn’t stop.

“Every damn day, it was something else. Did you know she’s from the desert? No wonder she’s always cold. She doesn’t sleep much, I hope she isn’t sick. Did you know she’s in the works for being promoted? One of the best nurses we have.” Her voice was sarcastic, sharp as steel, and yet, there was a softness underneath it all, something you couldn’t understand. “He told us he thought he had seen an angel, the night you saved him. He couldn’t believe his eyes.”

“I-” You had no idea what to do with this information. Too much, too fast. A small corner of your heart was so warm you thought it might burst. _An angel. He called you an angel._ “I hardly saved him. He was perfectly fine, just a minor burn.”

Jessika snorted, banking hard to the left, knocking you to the edge of your seat. “Coulda fooled me from the way he talked about it. He acted like you single handedly pulled him from the wreckage of the Death Star.”

_He looked for you. He noticed you._

“He said once-” She swallowed, hard. “He had seen you at night, sitting on a blanket outside. Just looking up at the sky. And he said the way you looked at the stars, it made him feel like he was seeing them for the very first time.”

Oh, Poe. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Yeah, well, neither did we. He isn’t exactly a poet.” Her voice broke. “We called him on it. Told him he was being ridiculous, and he just gave this little smile and said, ‘only for her.’”

Oh.

“I’m sorry.” She eyed you wearily. _Score three for Karissa_. “You love him, too. Don’t you.”

She sneered at the stars passing outside. “Not like he ever noticed.”

You both lapsed into silence. Jessika tried to subtly scratch away a tear that had made its way down her cheek. “I-”

“Don’t.” she sighed, a rush of static. “Don’t bother. We’re going to bring him home, if we can. That’s enough.” She nodded hard enough to rattle her visor, like she was trying to convince herself.

I’m sorry, you sent mentally, absent Force powers be damned. And you were. You couldn’t imagine feeling so deeply for someone and knowing they didn’t feel the same. But…

_He loves you._

The stars flew by, looking on passively at the two hearts simultaneously breaking at once.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is a nurse on the Resistance base of D’Qar, used to keeping her head down in a book and doing her work. Until a certain pilot takes interest in you, promising to make life a little more interesting.
> 
> Content Includes: Language, Alcohol, Gambling. Slight Teen rating towards the end, which will be marked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Poe is a bit chilly in this chapter

You had never seen snow before. You had gotten the idea, vaguely, from other people and stories and pictures and whatnot. Most described it as pretty, or dainty, or smiled like children as they recalled running through drifts with their siblings and using makeshift sleds to slide down icy mountains.

Hoth was not pretty. Or dainty. And anyone who went sledding here was probably suicidal.

There was a storm brewing as you landed; ice crystals whipping across the dash with a hideous scraping noise. The wind howled like it was alive, intent on blowing your craft in two. You could just make out the shape of craggy peaks rising through the gloom, icicles dangling lethally from the overhang.

A cave. Shelter. _Oh, stars, he might actually have a chance._

“This is as close as I can get.” Jessika’s face was grim as she began tugging on weather gear. “We’ll have to walk the rest of the way.”

You stared out the side window, trying to blink through the blinding white assault. “Walk?”

“Is that a problem?”

You hardened at her voice, zipping your bag ruthlessly and throwing it over your shoulder. “Of course not. Just give me a minute to get the back set up.”

“He doesn’t have a minute, Y/L/N.”

“And he’s _definitely_ not going to if I don’t have anything ready to bring him back from _lethal hypothermia_ the second we get him on board.” You almost didn’t recognize your voice- as cold as the atmosphere outside. But it got the pilot off your back. You climbed into the small hold, opening up chests and readying IV packs. There wasn’t a lot to be done for hypothermia, truth be told, although you were desperately trying to ignore that. Bags of saline were packed in the warmer, and a bed covered in heat-reflecting blankets sat waiting. But that was as much as you could do, really. Please be enough.

“Ready?” Her hand was on the door, just a tug away from the ruthlessness outside. You nodded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
Pushing through the wind while trudging through piles of snow higher than your head was quite possibly the most difficult thing you had ever done. Ice made its way into every exposed crevice of your clothes, crystallizing around your joins and weighing your eyelashes down. You couldn’t hear anything, or see your hand in front of your face, but the faint little beep in your right ear from the tracking beacon reassured you that you were heading in the right direction.

 _Beep_.

Poe had done this

 _Beep_.

Probably injured

 _Beep_.

In nothing but a flight suit

 _Beep_.

With no idea if he’d even find shelter

_Beep_

Probably injured

 _Beep_.

Probably dead

 _Beep_.

_Not dead._

_Beep_.

_He can’t be._

_Beep_.

When you entered the cave, the sudden stillness was dizzying. The abrupt lack of resistance sent you stumbling into a wall, almost tripping over-

Poe.

Oh god.

 _Poe_.

Wrapped in a blanket, with only a frosted bunch of curls poking out the top of the crumpled roll.

_Oh god oh god oh god Poe_

You dropped your bag, kneeling, and very, very carefully, unwrapped a bit of the blanket. Your hands were shaking so hard it felt like they might break.

His face was almost grey

Eyes closed

Curled in on himself

Your hand trembled as you dug under his collar, feeling for a pulse. _Please please please oh god please_

A pulse.

So faint you might’ve mistaken it for a slight stir of the wind. But a pulse. He was alive.

And he was looking at you.

There was a sheen over his eyes, and they took much too long to focus on you, but they were open, and you had never been so happy to see those brown eyes in your entire life.

“Poe.”

The corner of his mouth twitched. Twitched again. And slowly, agonizingly tilted up into a small grin. Oh god

“Hey, love.” His voice was little more than a whisper, and you could feel how cold his breath was as it ghosted across your cheeks.

“Don’t you _hey love_ me.” You furiously unzipped your bag and started unloading supplies, trying to stay calm. You were the nurse and he was the patient and you never, never showed a patient that you were scared on your life. _Ever_. “I-” To your horror, you choked up. “Damn it, Poe. Just stop talking, I’m trying to save your stupid life.”

“Nice to… see you too.”

His eyelids were fluttering. Oh no you don’t. _You absolute idiot you are not dying on me do you hear me_

You cut away the blanket encrusted over his body, purposefully not looking at the glimpses of mottled flesh you could see poking out of his suit. You laid a cloak out to the side of him, getting the clasps ready. “Do you think you can roll into this? I need you to turn over for me.”

“Um…” The pain written across his face chipped a piece off your heart and turned it black.

“Okay. Okay. It’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna get you out of this.”

You directed him as much as you could manage, voice firm and reassuring, trying not to cry with relief as he was slowly able to flip his body onto the waiting surface. You buckled it around him, leaving leg holes for the trip back to the ship. You were dimly aware of Jessika behind you, probably gathering up the little supplies Poe had managed to salvage and drag into the cave with him. You had caught bits of silver foil food packets out of the corner of your eye. The only way he could have made it this long.

“Okay. Poe? Poe, I need you to listen to me.” You steeled your nerves, uncapping a syringe and releasing the air from the top. “This is going to hurt. A lot. But the only way we can get you back to the ship is if you walk and this is going to help you do that, okay? Big stick.”

He squeezed his eyes shut as you inserted the needle into one of the only veins you could find. You watched the clear liquid seep into him, trying to mentally clock your pace in your head.

“What is it?”

You tossed the syringe away, wiping away the spot of blood on his arm with the corner of your sleeve. No time for protocol. “Jessika! We’ve got about a minute before we need to move!”

She whistled an affirmative and you shoved your tools back in your bag, discarding the remnants of your hastily administered rescue operation. Poe’s fingers were trembling, probably the first time he had moved in days.

“What is it?”

It was reaching him now, you could tell by the sudden wash of color hitting his face. You slung your bag behind you and prepared to help him up as he stirred against the floor.

“Adrenaline. Up we go, come on.”

He stumbled with every step, but he was able to hold onto the cave wall and lift himself up. You were right next to him, his arm around your shoulder for support. He shuddered suddenly, trying to turn around, back further into the cave. “Wait- wait, I have to-”

“Poe, what? _Poe!_ ” You stopped him. “Talk to me.”

“8. BB-8. He’s here, I got him out of the wreck but he’s dead and he’s further back and I can’t leave him-”

“I have him!” Jessika appeared from around the corner, staggering under the weight of the little droid on her hip. “I have him. You need to move, Poe. Now.”

It took him a minute to process the words and you struggled to subtly nudge him forward. You couldn’t risk giving him another shot and stopping his heart, you needed to get back to the ship now or this was going to be pointless-

_Stop. Breathe. One foot in front of the other._

That’s all you focused on. Poe’s steps next to yours in the snow; Poe’s hand trying to find purchase on your shoulder. His haggard breaths tossing faint clouds into the air. Cursing under his breath as his muscles spasmed under the weight of the drug. Poe. Alive. And you were going to keep him that way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
You had never been so happy to hear engines in your life than when Jessika lifted the four of you off the planet.

He had collapsed onto the makeshift cot, a grunt of pain escaping his lips, sweat dotting his forehead. The shot was wearing off, but you had the IVs going before he began to shiver, pumping nutrients and warm fluid into him in effort to wake up his circulation. You had gotten BB-8 hooked up to some spare battery packs and set him in the corner where Poe could see him.

IVs. Blankets. Change of clothes. More heat. All done. Your fingers twitched, needing something else to do. His vitals were so weak they wouldn’t register on the machine, so you bent over him to take them yourself, counting the seconds in shaky breaths.

“Hey.”

You looked over. Poe was grinning sleepily at you. “Hey. How are you feeling? Anything?”

“Cold.”

“Full marks, Dameron.” You kneeled by him, resting your hands lightly on the edge of the bed. Trying to hold yourself back from touching him, just to make sure he was real. “I- We thought we’d lost you.”

“Nah.” He shook his head weakly, causing a shower of ice crystals to fall from his hair. You lightly ran a hand through his hair, trying to dispel the rest of them, and he hummed happily. “Can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“Thank stars.” You let the tears build up, now that you were out of the woods. “Thank. Stars.”

He clumsily tried to take your hand through all the IV tubing. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m okay.”

“You’re slurring your words, dehydrated, starved, and nearly dead. You’re not okay.” You tangled your fingers in his, almost laughing in relief when you felt the smallest bit of warmth emanating from his palm. Human furnace, indeed. Without thinking about it, you leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, lingering there a moment to reassure yourself.

“But you will be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I thought about going full Malcolm Reynolds stabbing—himself-in-the-heart-with-a-giant-syringe, but I like to keep a sense of reality in my stories


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is a nurse on the Resistance base of D’Qar, used to keeping her head down in a book and doing her work. Until a certain pilot takes interest in you, promising to make life a little more interesting.
> 
> Content Includes: Language, Alcohol, Gambling. Slight Teen rating towards the end, which will be marked

Comas are normal after severe and prolonged trauma. Comas are normal after severe and prolonged trauma. Comas are normal after severe and prolonged trauma.

It had become your mantra. You whispered it to the steady beat of the clock ticking in the corner and the IV pump mundanely chugging along.

_Comas are normal after severe and prolonged trauma._

You were beginning to realize that medical was an achingly slow place. Usually it was hectic wonderland for those who didn’t like a spare moment- hi, Y/N- but you were completely unused to the stifling effect of a dim, quiet medical room, closed off from the bustle by a heavy metal door. It was like being frozen in amber; unable to shake the heaviness from your limbs as you melded into the unassuming white room like you’d been sitting there for years.

You felt like you’d been waiting there for years.

But he hadn’t woken up yet. So here you sat.

_Comas are normal after severe and prolonged trauma._

You had only hyperventilated slightly when he slipped away, just as you were landing back on the safety of D’Qar. Thank god the team was ready for you, transferring him to a bed and a room faster than Karissa could give you a once over. You waved her off, following the caravan. Standing in the corner as they closed up some minor wounds, covered old burns that must’ve come from the crash. Slipped into his room with a chair as they set him up. The attending didn’t even say anything to you, just nodded before she turned and left.

It really was maddening, the waiting. Half of your sleep-deprived brain wanted to shake him by the shoulders and chew him out for spiting you like this.

You’d never spent this much time alone with him, even with his fondness for falling asleep by your side on a lazy afternoon. It was almost nice, in a way. You could let your eyes roam over every little inch of him, memorizing the lines on his face that had become as familiar as your own. The wispy baby curls that fuzzed slightly over his forehead. The lips that made your heart spin every time they grinned at you. No one there to laugh at you as you eventually settled right next to his bedside, occasionally running a hand over his arm that had been laid over the blanket covering him. Warmer by the hour. Thank god. You couldn’t help but remember your fingers twined together on the flight over, while Poe was floating in and out of consciousness.

He probably wouldn’t mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
The soft murmuring in the room almost lulled you back to sleep. It was soothing, like the burble of the little hidden stream you had grown to love so much, but powerful too. You didn’t recognize the language, but it flowed into the room like a balm, soothing your raw nerves.

Blearily, your eyes flickered open. You had fallen asleep on the edge of the bed, still keeping Poe’s hand under yours. You blinked the spots out of your eyes so you could see Leia clearly, who was standing on the other side of the bed; a hand delicately laid on his pillow. Her eyes were downcast, matching the mood of her prayers-

 _Oh, shit._ You sat up so quickly you almost knocked yourself out of your chair, dizzy with sleep. And you quickly removed your hand from his, hoping she hadn’t noticed.

“Um, I’m sorry, ma’am- I can go-”

She smiled at you, and your obvious reluctance to move from his side. “Please, there’s no need.” Her voice was as soft as summer with a backbone of steel. The General never ceased to amaze you. She eyed you calmly, momentarily flicking to the hand yours had been resting on. Hopefully your red cheeks weren’t too noticeable…

“We haven’t had much time to talk, Y/N.”

“Well…” No, but- “With all due respect, ma’am, I don’t know what you’d want to speak with me about. I’m sure you’ve got more important people to talk to.”

“He said you might say something to that effect.” The twinkle in her eye caught you off guard.

“He..? Oh.” You glanced down at a sleeping Poe. Wait. “Poe talks about me?”

“I’d estimate about every third word out of his mouth.”

 _The damn idiot can make you blush when he’s COMATOSE, what the hell Poe_ “I’m sorry. That must get pretty annoying.”

Okay, now she was chuckling, hopefully not at you- you couldn’t read her that well. “You are something else, my dear.” Something in her voice made a long-forgotten part of your heart pang. It was a mother’s voice. “And believe me, I mean that in the best of ways.”

Oh. Good. “Well, thank you. Ma’am.”

“Leia, please, Y/N.” It still surprised you that she knew your name.

The both of you sat in comfortable silence. You played with your hands folded in your lap, watching the fluids run through the IV tubes. Leia was calmly contemplating Poe’s still face, seemingly at peace with the silence. You wondered how she did it. Patience was not one of your virtues.

“He’s told me about you too.” She raised an eyebrow at you. “A little, I mean.” You looked at her fingers, still resting on his pillow, then up to her face. “He said you were like a mother to him.”

She hummed under her breath, and tugged the edge of the blanket covering Poe a little higher.

“I’m sorry.” She looked at you. “That- this happened. I don’t know if we were fast enough,” you admitted, twisting the edge of your shirt in your palms anxiously. You had been turning it over and over in your head. Wondering if you could have done something else, helped him more.

“Everything happens for a reason.” She seemed to be saying it more to herself than to you.

“I’m not sure I believe that.” You tried to keep the skepticism out of your voice.

“It is a hard lesson to learn,” she admitted, smoothing a wrinkle from the bed. “And an even harder one to trust in. But, trust we must.”

You clung the sound of Poe’s steady breaths whispering through the room. Trust.

_Comas are normal after severe and prolonged trauma._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Say it with me now, folks...  
> Alternatively, the shot in TLJ where Poe was holding Leia’s hand while she was in a coma may or may not have shattered my heart into a thousand tiny pieces.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is a nurse on the Resistance base of D’Qar, used to keeping her head down in a book and doing her work. Until a certain pilot takes interest in you, promising to make life a little more interesting.
> 
> Content Includes: Language, Alcohol, Gambling. Slight Teen rating towards the end, which will be marked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Angst.

You had eventually been ~~forced~~  called away from his bedside to, you know, do your job, and silly things like that. At first you had refused. A firm look from the General on the opposite side his room had you following your supervisor out the door. You knew she wouldn’t leave; he wouldn’t be alone when he woke up.

Your supervisor had specifically placed you on the opposite side of the ward, in emergency- fast paced, no time to think about the man in a coma tucked away in the back room. Karissa was working by your side, and you were incredibly grateful. She kept you focused, handing what you needed when you needed it- and forced you to the mess hall, when you were practically fainting from exhaustion.

She guided you to a table in the back, away from any curious eyes. You could see the Black Squadron across the room, not eating, but sitting in hushed conference. More than one set of hands were nervously tapping the wood table. A tray of food at the most massive cup of coffee you had ever seen was set in front of you, topped with fluffy white foam. You dragged a finger through it and put it in your mouth, raising your eyebrows in surprise. “How’d you score whipped cream?”

Karissa shrugged. “Told them who it was for.”

You nodded, and carefully stirred the sweet cream into the hot drink. Once, your pride might have reared its ugly head, but right now you’d take all the little favors you could get.

You didn’t know how long the two of you sat there. You ate your tray, and she wordlessly got up to get you more. You ate that too. It seemed your appetite had mostly returned. The other girl made sure you ate every bite, occasionally squeezing your free hand in reassurance whenever you paused. She caught your gaze. “He’s going to be okay, Y/N.”

You shook your head. “So much could go wrong, Karissa. He was there for so long, and he’s been under-”

“He’s healing. I think that’s reasonable considering the circumstances, don’t you?”

You grinned wryly at the hint of sarcasm running through her voice. “I suppose. Stupid people needing to do stupid things like healing.”

Karissa’s laugh rung out like a bell in the tense room. “There you are, Y/N.” She smiled at you. “It’s been a while.”

You shrugged, returning her smile. You could feel your heart beating, safe and warm and cared for, in medbay across the base. That made everything easier to swallow.

All at once, the noise in the large hall ratcheted up ten notches. When the two of you looked up to see what was going on, you almost spilled the coffee with an involuntary gasp.

_Poe._

Being led gently by the arm by Leia, who was looking at him like he rivaled the sun. He was pale, clearly underfed, and far from the spark of joy you had come to know this past year. But he was here. And alive. And in fairly good spirits, by the light look on his face.

The hall erupted into cheers.

You yelled with them, clapping your hands for all you were worth. Karissa let out an ear-piercing whistle to match the others echoing around the room. People were stomping their feet, banging on the tables, standing on the benches like Luke Skywalker himself had walked through the door. You felt a tear, sweet and hot, run down your cheek. If there was every any doubt who the heart of the resistance was, it was washed away by the sheer happiness that exploded around him in this moment. His face immediately brightened; his smile beamed, matching the energy of the room. He looked a little embarrassed too, but he exuded joy. He looked around carefully, nodding to his friends, his coworkers, the nurses and doctors who had kept him warm for hours on end. _I’m here,_ you felt like screaming. _I’m right here, Poe, I’m here._

He was instantly swarmed by his squadron, and you held yourself back, letting them have their moment. Snap looked like he was about to jump on Poe’s back and hang on to him like a koala, but settled for a gentle clap on the shoulder. Poe’s hand came up to meet Snap’s, squeezing gratefully. The redhead, Ollie, was trying to pretend he wasn’t crying, but wasn’t fooling anyone. Rebecca threw a gentle arm around his waist and pulled him into a side hug, all of them laughing when he stumbled into her. It was heartwarming, a family made whole again, and everyone in the room was wiping their eyes.

“POE!”

The squad turned just in time to see Jessika hurtling towards their commander, engulfing him in a hug that looked strong enough to break his back. Everyone laughed as she pulled back, blue eyes bright with tears, eyes and hands roaming over Poe like she was making sure he was in one piece. You saw her mouth moving, but it was far too loud to hear anything. Poe’s eyebrows drew together, and took a little step back, but Snap was still behind him, blocking his path-

Jessika put her hands around his neck and pulled him into a heated kiss.

The noise in the hall multiplied. From about half of the people in the room. The rest seemed to turn and look at you as one, where you stood in the back. Fresh tears slipped over your cheeks, bitter and red. Eyes wide. You felt like you were back on Hoth, and the cold wind had finally hit you for the first time. Everything was white.

“Y/N. Y/N!” You were dimly aware of Karissa tugging on your arm, pulling you away from the scene. “Come on, Y/N!” _We can’t leave, Karissa, they’re blocking the door, and I can’t look at them-_

All you could see was Poe’s hands on her shoulders, faces together-

Karissa was talking to the chef on duty, and suddenly she was dragging you past ovens and stoves with steam still rising from bubbling pots, and out into the night air. You ran. You wrenched your arm from her grasp and let your mind take over. You didn’t know where you were going, and you didn’t particularly care. Away was all you cared about.

Karissa followed behind at a fair distance, not interfering, just making sure you didn’t trip on the tree roots you were leaping over.

You stopped when you heard water splashing.

You had run straight to the little stream, knowing the way by heart, even in the dark. Where you first talked to him, really talked to him, and where you both had returned so many times after.

Where you first began to fall.

The first sob was loud, and ugly, and it felt like your heart was ripping in half.

You screamed, not caring if anyone heard. You wanted it out, all the longing and waiting and agony and happiness and everything you’d ever felt for that stupid pilot. Memories fell as tears and melted into the river as you tried to rid yourself of Poe Dameron.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
Eventually, you had nothing else to give.

Karissa came and sat by your side, and you laid your head in her lap, watching the water bubble over the rocks. Her hand was resting on your side, trying to steady you as best she could.

“He was kissing her back.” Your voice was toneless, thudding onto the sand like it would leave pockmarks.

Karissa sighed, her hand trembling a little. “It certainly looked that way,” she admitted. There was a catch in her voice at the end. “I… I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

You curled into yourself a little more, letting the sand scrape against your legs. You hope it left burns in the morning. “I don’t get it. She- she told me-”

“What?” Karissa’s voice was sharper than a scalpel. “What else could she possibly have to say to you, Y/N?”

“That he loved me,” you whispered hoarsely. Stars as your witness. “He called me an angel. That he’d… wanted me. Since the very beginning.”

Karissa looked up at the sky. “I feel like this is my fault, Y/N.” Her voice was thick. “I kept pushing you towards him, poking you, you just seemed so happy with him-”

“Stop, Karissa.” She did. “It’s not your fault. It… would have happened either way, I think.”

She nodded, pulling at the strands of hair that had fallen in front of your face and tugging them into a gentle braid.

You fell asleep with the comforting feeling of her hands in your hair, drifting off to the cold sound of water.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: SORRY SORRY IT’LL GET BETTER


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is a nurse on the Resistance base of D’Qar, used to keeping her head down in a book and doing her work. Until a certain pilot takes interest in you, promising to make life a little more interesting.
> 
> Content Includes: Language, Alcohol, Gambling. Slight Teen rating towards the end, which will be marked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Rated Teen for some smooches

Another knock on the door. Not frantic this time, like Snap’s, or threatening, like Jessika’s. Just a simple rap. One part desperate, one part pleading, one part… resigned. Like they didn’t even recognize this door anymore, or why they bothered beating on it.

You’d heard that knock a lot lately.

Every day, for sure, sometimes even twice. Occasionally in the dead hours of the night, where the precise raps devolved into the physical equivalent of slurred speech; drunken wobbling. You know he knew your schedule by now, but he at least respected you enough to not confront you in the hallway, or the caf, or outside work. He left you the choice a closed door offered; to open, or not to open.

So far, your door had remained firmly shut.

It had been hell. That was the only way to describe it. You floated to work and back, looking for pieces of your broken heart scattered among the base, so you might pick them up and try to glue yourself back together. You never seemed to find any, though. The laughter in the corridors never made you smile; the chatter in the mess fell on deaf ears; the reassuring smiles you gave patients never reached your eyes.

You hated yourself for it. For being so utterly, devastatingly crushed over a man who eight months ago you never even knew existed. You had been independent for years, making your own happiness, forging your own life. Suddenly the thread had been tangled with another, and just as quickly snipped, leaving you lost in a forest with no trail marker to find your way home.

On the rare occasion you ventured out of your safe zones- work and your quarters- they seemed to be everywhere. Poe and Jessika, attached at the hip. She was all over him, always holding his hand, leaning on his shoulder, running her hand through his hair with a fond smile. It was a wildfire, an explosion- a disaster you couldn’t tear your eyes from. You hated yourself for that even more.

The fact that Poe looked constantly unhappy didn’t ever register with you and your preoccupied brain.

You let out a long breath as the knocking resumed. Usually he left you alone after a few minutes, but there was no sign of letting up tonight. You glanced at the clock from underneath the covers- 2:41 AM. At least you’d be justified in you chewing him out for waking you up. You hadn’t been asleep, but he didn’t need to know that.

You made a sweep of the room, trying to hide the evidence of your slow descent into oblivion. Tried to fix your hair, straighten your tank top into something dignified. Pulled a military-issued sheet off your bed to shrug around your shoulders, giving your hands something to clutch.

The door slid open.

Poe was mid-knock, and he didn’t even realize the door had opened until his fist went through air. You took him in carefully, the only opportunity you had had since… that night. He was still too thin, but his skin was back to its warm color, reminding you of dunes under the sun. His eyes were glassy, potentially from the late night. Dark circles under them betrayed his lack of sleep, and his hair was wild. You quelled the urge to push an unruly black curl away from his face.

“Y/N,” he breathed. He seemed to be taking you in just as you had him.

“Poe.”

“Hi.”

The side of your mouth quirked upward ever so slightly. “Hi.”

You waited for him to say something, anything, but he kept standing there, drinking you in like he was starving. You felt your face begin to flush, and the familiar heat rising within you. No. You don’t get to make me feel like that anymore. Not anymore.

“Is there something I can help you with, Commander?”

He didn’t bother trying to correct you, wetting his cracked lips like he was nervous. “I really didn’t think I’d get this far,” he admitted, looking bewilderedly at the dim light emanating from your room. “Can I… can we talk? Please.”

“It’s late, Poe-”

“No.” His face hardened into something like determination. “No more avoiding me, Y/N. It’s been months.” His voice cracked a little on the end, and you felt a hot shoot of sympathy ripple through you. “I miss you.”

The words were intangible, but felt like a stab to the chest nonetheless, leaving behind white hot anger mixed with bittersweet longing. The longing you’d been trying to rid yourself of for months, apparently to no avail.

Damn him.

Wordlessly, you stepped aside, brusquely inviting him in to your small space. He stood awkwardly right inside the door until it closed, then leaned back against it, hands shoved in his pockets. You sat on your bed, cross-legged, mentally channeling a more put together and regal persona than the crumbling one you felt inside. You were ruling court, and he was the peasant caught stealing from the palace gardens. Mercy was not in order.

But Poe usually had a way of turning things in his favor.

You schooled your features. “Well?”

“I-” His shoulders slumped. “I don’t know what to say, Y/N.”

“An apology would be nice. Though it wouldn’t even begin to cover what you’ve done.” You let the anger boil over, giving you the confidence to say things you never dreamed would come out of your mouth. “Do I mean anything to you? At all. Because three months ago you looked at me like I was your entire world, and now? With her?” You couldn’t help the tears that spilled out, silky contrast to the rawness of your throat. “She’s the one who gets to take the midnight walks.   
Who gets to read to you aloud when you’re upset. Who gets the gifts that make her feel like the most precious thing in the galaxy.” Full on crying now, you tried to wipe your eyes with the sheet pooled around your waist. “Just tell me what I did wrong. What I did to push you away. So I can never, ever do it again.”

Poe was looking at you like his heart had detached from his chest. “I don’t do any of those things with her.”

“Oh, just me then?” You laughed bitterly. “Guess I’m the special one.”

“Y/N.” Poe crossed the room and kneeled before you, gently pulling your hands away from your face. You didn’t have the willpower to pull them away from him, so he sat there, rubbing a comforting thumb over your wrist as you sobbed like you had at the river all those nights ago. When you looked up, you were shocked to find tears dripping from his own eyes. “I never wanted this. I never, never wanted to hurt you.” His voice was husky and dry. He laughed without mirth. “Stars, I tried so hard, and I still screwed everything up.”

“Jessika told me.” He looked up at you quizzically. “About.. what you thought about me. After the explosion, after… everything.”

“You mean me and my dopey-in-love self?” He smiled, a soft juxtaposition to the salt running down his cheeks. “Yeah. I was a goner since the first time I saw you. On the airfield,” he continued, eyes glossing over like he was seeing it in front of him. “The look of wonder on your face as you looked at the sky. It was-” he stopped, gathering himself. Then slowly, giving you time to pull away, ran a thumb over your cheekbone, his hand cupping the side of your face. “Beautiful,” he murmured, eyes searching your face. “You’re beautiful.”

You scoffed, but didn’t pull away from his touch. “And you’re so goddamn handsome I feel like I can’t look at you without getting lost.” You braved a look into his green eyes. They were fathomless. “I was so in love with you,” you whispered, letting the old feelings off giddiness wash over your heart. But it was tinged with sorrow, and knowing that you could never go back to that innocent feeling.

“Was?”

“Was.” It was a barefaced lie, but it was all you had to hide behind as you laid your heart out for dissection in front of him.

“You’re a terrible liar.”

You didn’t have time to raise an eyebrow at him before he ever so gently pressed his lips to yours. A second, nothing more, before he was pulling back, his warm breath mingling with yours as you shared the space between you. He searched your eyes. “Is… this okay?” The hope in his eyes made the rest of your defenses shatter like ice.

You wrapped your hands around his neck, digging your nails into those dark curls, and pulled him towards you, kissing him as desperately as though you were starved of him. He didn’t back down, keeping you steady as you met him on the floor, eager to get as close as you possibly could. You wanted to consume him, mold your body to his until you couldn’t tell where his skin began and yours ended. You pushed against him, and he obliged, throwing his arms around your waist and pulling you flush, deepening the kiss. His legs spread so you could settle between them, cocooned in his strong arms. His lightly ran his tongue across your bottom lip, an invitation you eagerly accepted. It was messy, and desperate, with hair being pulled and lower lips sucked until they stung, but it was Poe and he was everywhere, all over you, and you had never felt more electrified in your life.

He was intoxicating, lips dancing over yours like he was worshiping you. You tried to take a breath but he swallowed the distance between you in seconds, not willing to let you go. He tasted like summer, sweet and heady, mixed with the damp earth and the thrill of flight, and you drank him in like he was nectar, pulling on his hair in desperate heat. You felt the moan that rumbled through his chest like it was your own.

Minutes passed, or hours. Days. You didn’t know. All that mattered was the two of you entangled in each other, lips and hands not bound by any barrier, exploring unfamiliar territory with the wonder of seeing the galaxy for the first time. He was so steady, so solid, yet melted at your touch, eyes fluttering when you pressed a breathy kiss against his neck. You loved him. You loved him like you never thought you could, and when you whispered it against the hollow of his neck, a hum of happiness resonated through the both of you, sending shivers of contentment down your spine.

You lost yourself in him, and it felt like the stars themselves held you in their arms.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
When you finally came up for air, your cheeks were flushed, heat rippling through your entire body. Poe’s hands never left your waist, so any gasps you took were still taken from his space. The space you shared, kneeling on the floor of your little room. You felt like an entire world had just been discovered only by you, and you traced his contours with reverence, fingers brushing his neck gently. Like he might disappear if you let go.

Poe was looking at you with blown pupils and swollen lips. _You did that to him._ The thought sent another shiver down your spine, and you moved closer to him, soaking in his warmth.

“What the hell was that,” Poe breathed onto the top of your head, hands trailing up and down your back.

You pulled away. “Was that-” The ice threatened to over take you again, and you felt yourself start to panic. “Was that not okay? I’m sorry, I- I-”

“Hey hey hey, no, Y/N.” Poe sat down and caught your wrist, pulling you back to him and settling you into his lap. You didn’t have the willpower to escape, tucking your head onto his shoulder, trying to breathe him in, trying to steady your trembling limbs that had been shaken to their core. “That is not what I meant at all.” He chuckled lightly, mirth filtering into his eyes. “That was… amazing.” He wrapped his arms around you tighter. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted that,” he murmured into your hair, stroking the ends where they fell down your back.

“What about Jessika.” It felt… abhorrent. Sacrilegious, to say her name while you were tucked against his chest. But you couldn’t shake the doubt lingering in the back of your mind.

“Jessika.” He sighed, leaning back against the wall, putting some space between the two of you. “Jessika is being transferred.”

You stared at him. Says who? Where? Why?

He seemed to sense your unspoken questions. “Me and Snap, some of the rest of the squad, we went and talked to Leia. She…agreed, that things had gotten out of hand. I’d known how she felt about me for a while-” you huffed, and Poe unconsciously ran a hand down your arm, calming you. “-but she had always kept it to herself. For the most part. I thought we could be adults about the situation but… well.”

“That’s so you.” Poe looked at you, confused. “To think anyone could control themselves around you.”

  
“I hate what she did, Y/N. I never-” he closed his eyes hard, the corners crinkling in pain. You raised a hand to his face and lightly thumbed away the wrinkles. “I never wanted that. Any of it.” His voice was pleading, the words rough in his throat.

“Then why-” You wormed away from him, ignoring his little noise of protest. You couldn’t be near him when you were having this conversation. “-would you ever let her do that.” You couldn’t get it out of your head. “I can’t stop seeing her kiss you,” you whispered, staring straight ahead.

He shook his head. “Me either,” he admitted, crossing his arms over his chest. “When I woke up- all I could think about was getting to you. I panicked, when you weren’t there. Nearly ripped the IV out of my arm.” He smiled wryly. “Leia practically had to hold me down. I told her there was no way I was getting back into that bed until I saw you.” His eyes unfocused a little. “There were so many people, and I couldn’t hear anything. My head was still ringing. I didn’t even know what she had done until Snap pulled her off of me.”

You nodded, slowly, weighing the truth in his words. “Confusion, dizziness, blurred vision are all common after effects. Not to mention the hypothermia.” You looked at him. “That was stupid.”

He laughed, lightly banging his head against the wall. “Yeah. I got that now.” He reached for your hand, and you let him weave his fingers through yours. “When you didn’t come see me…. I thought, maybe, something had changed.” His voice was low. “I was upset, to say the least. So when Jessika showed up, like I had never left- I cracked.” He looked at you with sad eyes. “I didn’t have the willpower to say no.” He scoffed a little, a self-deprecating sound. “I was too heartbroken to do anything but go through the motions.”

“Sounds familiar.”

He stroked your cheek, wiping away a stray tear. “I’m so sorry, love,” he whispered. “I don’t know why you’re even talking to me, after what I’ve put you through.”

“What changed?” You still weren’t looking at him, and he felt a pang of fear shoot through his chest. He might lose you. Again.

“Snap finally shook some sense into me. Once he was sure I wasn’t actually brain dead, he slapped me upside the head until I almost legitimately was.” A corner of his mouth turned up. “He told me about the conversations you’d had, while I was… gone. And then he sent me to Karissa and she nearly snapped my neck.”

“Oh, god.” You looked at him, alarmed. “What’d she do to you? I’m so so-”

“Hey.” He cut you off with an easy grin. Stars, you missed that smile. “What’d I say about apologizing? She didn’t do anything I didn’t deserve.”

You absorbed this for a second. “She’s a good friend,” you said finally, staring down at your hands in your lap.

“Y/N.” Your fingers clenched. “Sweetheart, please look at me.”

He took in the bags under your eyes. The tightness in your face, the sorrow that still wracked your body and emanated from you like an aura. He could feel it like it was his own. Slowly, giving you time to distance yourself from him, he kneeled in front of you, brushing a stray hair from your face. You looked so small. So tired. He wanted nothing more than to pull you into his arms and kiss away your tears; make you forget everything that had happened between the two of you but the good. The smiles, the laughter, the quiet moments when you thought no one was looking. But this had to be said, if he was ever going to get you to forgive him.

“I can’t say how sorry I am.” There was nothing but honesty in those beautiful eyes. “I have never wanted anything more in my life than to spend another day with you. On Hoth… you were all I thought about. Your smile. The way your eyes light up when you finish a good chapter. Burying your toes in the sand. You kept me alive.” He swallowed. “Because I had to get back to you, to tell you how I felt. Feel,” he corrected. “And the hope that you might feel the same way.”

You didn’t move away. You simply stared. _He’s here. He’s with you._

And he loves you.

“Say something, love.” He grimaced a little, the nervousness clear in his eyes. “You’re scaring me.”

You smiled. A real smile, that felt strange and unused on your face. But a smile nonetheless.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Poe’s eyebrows looked like they were trying to escape, they were so high on his forehead. “You-” He shook his head. Nodded. “Okay,” he breathed, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

This time you leaned in first, and he followed, meeting you in a sweet kiss, full of promise and hope. You smiled against him as he slipped his hand behind your neck and pulled you to him, pressing a light kiss to your forehead.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There is an epilogue! No reference to TFiOS intended even though it kinda ended up that way.


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is a nurse on the Resistance base of D’Qar, used to keeping her head down in a book and doing her work. Until a certain pilot takes interest in you, promising to make life a little more interesting.
> 
> Content Includes: Language, Alcohol, Gambling. Slight Teen rating towards the end, which will be marked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Some more smooching

You took one last glance at yourself in the mirror, smoothing down the fabric of your dress. You went to tug your earrings through your lobes. General Organa always threw a sort of party at the end of the calendar year. A Festival, to celebrate the good, the victories, and perhaps just the sheer fact that there were people on base left to celebrate. The reason didn’t seem to matter: the food was splurged on, alcohol was on tap (not that it wasn’t any other day of the year, but now it was sanctioned), and the music was good. Most people took the chance to dress up, their uniforms forgotten in a corner of their closet. A chance to be real people, not strategizers or commanders or mechanics. Friends, wives, boyfriends, rascals, kids, dancing into the night simply because they had lived to see the stars another year.

You were not one for parties. Past festivals had been spent hanging out in the corner with Karissa for ten minutes, tops, before she was sauntering off to seduce her newest conquest. Left alone, you piled a plate from the buffet, and then usually retreated to you room for a quiet night of a book or hot shower. You liked reading in the forest under the full moon, just far enough away to hear the faint music pulsing from the airfield.

You zipped the dress up the side. How far you’d come.

You were not a party person- but this year, you’d have Poe on your arm publicly, for the first time. You had both decided it was best to let things…settle, before waving the two of you in front of everyone’s faces. So Karissa had insisted you made an impression tonight, tossing aside the simple dress you had planned to wear and outfitting you with her own dress, shoes, and earrings. Miraculously, the skirted beauty had transferred wonderfully from Karissa’s curvaceous body to your own. She went full older sister on you, making up your eyes until they sparkled and were framed with flirty, dark lashes. The lipstick made your mouth look positively kissable, and she had worked magic on your hair, transforming it into soft waves that fell over your shoulder. You grinned, tucking a stray piece of (Y/C/H) behind your ear. You honestly couldn’t care less about the party- at this point, you just wanted Poe to see you like this. He hadn’t seen you in anything other than scrubs or sweats in the entire year you’d known him.

There was a rap on the door.

You breathed, trying to shake the nerves, and grabbed a shawl (old habits never died) before opening the door to who you’d know would be waiting.

Poe looked gorgeous, in a light blue shirt and pants that were remarkably free of dirt or oil. They were broken in, showing him off in a way you couldn’t help but notice. His ever-present jacket and glossy curls topped off the handsome devil vibe. You had to work really hard to pretend you weren’t mentally drooling.

Luckily, Poe wasn’t as good at hiding his reaction. He looked like his jaw was on the floor and two feet behind him. “Hi,” you giggled, stepping out to meet him.

“Uh-” You laughed, spinning dramatically to give him the full effect. The flared, floral printed dress swirled around your thighs, and the torso fit you like a glove, neckline juuuuust low enough to hint at something. Glittering earrings made it look like your face was framed by light. Dainty heels gave you a little more height and turned you into something graceful. To top it off- even more of a surprise than, well, all this- you had strung a button from Poe’s uniform onto a chain and draped it around your neck, polished to a shine.

That was the first thing he noticed when he came to, pulling you close by the waist, smiling at your surprised yelp when you stumbled against his side. You hadn’t quite gotten the hang of these heels yet. He threaded a finger under the chain and held it out, the button dangling in the precariously close space between the two of you. “Now where did you get this?” He raised an eyebrow, pretending to look miffed, but his eyes were practically dancing.

“I may or may not have bribed one of the laundry staff to, um, ‘mend’ your uniform.” You smiled at him, watching his eyes trace over every little detail the button had to offer. “I don’t suppose that’s okay with you, mister Dameron?”

He pretended to consider it. “It looks better on you than it does on me,” he finally decided, dropping it back down on your chest so he could press a soft kiss to the corner of your mouth. “You look stunning,” he murmured, looking at you with such adoration it wreaked havoc on your vitals.

He went in for another kiss- and another- before you swatted him away, giggling. “Stop it, you beast, you’re gonna ruin the makeup!” You laughed at his pouty face. “This took like two hours, okay?”

“Fine, fine. Shall we?” He held out a leather-clad arm to you, and you took it, fingers squeezing gratefully when he tucked it securely by his side. The reality of you were going to a party with lots of people and alcohol and noise was started to gnaw on your nerves a bit. “I’ll be right here with you,” he said, like he could read your thoughts. You gave him a brief kiss on the cheek, careful to leave just a hint of lipstick behind. There’d be no doubt who belonged to who tonight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
You gave a little gasp of admiration as he led you onto the airfield. The transformation never ceased to amaze you, even after all these years. Multicolored lights were draped amongst the trees, cheerful against the dark sky, with a table positively dripping with delectable food situated proudly underneath. Even from a distance you could tell the chefs had outdone themselves. X-Wings were lined up proudly side by side, freshly painted and buffed. There seemed to be a tradition of seeing who could jam the most celebratory items onto their rig. A few were tastefully decorated, a few had so many lights wrapped on them you couldn’t look at them without shielding your eyes, and Snap’s- because it had to be Snap’s, you laughed- actually had a whole decorated tree wedged into the cockpit.

A small stage had been set up in the corner, housing both musicians flown in from the next planet over and people living on base who managed to maintain their musical prowess while doing their duty to the Resistance. They played for couples and friends already on the dance floor, moving to the music, drinks in hand. Some people leaned against the base’s outer wall or occupied tables that had been set up, with cards flying between laughing parties and food pelted at opposing teams playfully. Some pilots were posing with their sweethearts by their ships. You saw a mischievous Ollie swing an unsuspecting man into a dramatic dip, smothering him with kisses, much to the amusement of the photographer. A few even had children riding on their shoulders, or clustered between their parent’s legs.

It was easy to forget your humanity in a place like this. To only think about the job, the war, the ever-present tear that seemed to be dividing the galaxy further and further every year. But surrounded by your colleagues, some of whom were hard to recognize without worry lines marring their foreheads, dancing like there wasn’t a care in their lives, it was easy to see the infamous hope the Rebellion was built on. It was here, right in front of your eyes, in every person that exuded joy and smiles on their faces.

“Don’t tell me you’re staring at some other guy already!” Poe poked your shoulder teasingly as he returned with drinks he had snagged for the both of you, pressing one into your hand.

You rolled your eyes at his dorky smile. “I don’t know, Ollie is looking preeeeeeeeetty handsome tonight,” you singsonged at him. Poe clutched his chest, looking ever so wounded. You sniffed the drink he had given you. “What’s-?”

“Don’t worry, I remembered,” he smiled, waving his own, much stronger smelling concoction. “Kiddie bubbly for the lady, with the tiniest- and I do mean tiniest, tinier than you pinky toe tiniest- splash of something fruity. That okay?” He winked cheekily at you, taking a sip from his cup.

You gaped at him, a laugh escaping your mouth despite yourself. “Maybe you’ve had too much to drink already, Dameron!” You made a grab for his cup, and he raised an eyebrow at you.

“You really want some?” He asked, handing it over. You sniffed the dark amber liquid, taking a cautious sip.

And promptly coughed at the feeling of it burning down your throat, sputtering for air. Poe was hiding his smile behind his hand, trying not to antagonize you. “…maybe not,” you grinned sheepishly. “I’ll stick with the fruity stuff.”

He finally laughed, a balm to your nerves, and slung an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close. He smelled clean, a little like bourbon, and unmistakably Poe. You resisted the urge to tuck your head onto his shoulder. “Come on, you! It’s not a party ‘til you’re dancing!” He dragged you out onto the dance floor, you trailing behind him, laughing at his excitement.

Karissa was already out there, with her date for the night, as were most of Poe’s friends- our friends, you thought with a smile, waving as they greeted the both of you, pulling the both of you into their circle.

“You look AMAZING!” Karissa squealed over your shoulder, hugging you from behind, resting her chin on your shoulder. She squeezed, pulling you side to side, and you tried to keep your drink from spilling on the both of you.

“Thank you, Karissa.” You pretended to look disapprovingly at her dress, which left little to the imagination. “Isn’t that a bit much for such an early night?”

“Oh shut up, Y/N.” She held out a hand, and when you took it, spun you around so that your skirt flared into a balloon of colors. “I think you take belle of the ball tonight.” She nodded over at Poe, who was laughing over a story Snap was telling with animated flair. “Think he noticed?”

“Considering he was pretty speechless when he picked me up…”

Karissa gaped at you, devolving into more squeals of excitement. “Someone’s gonna geeeeet iiiiiit tonight!”

“Hush! Karissa!” You looked over to make sure Poe was still involved in his conversation. “That is… _not_ … just shut up, okay!” You tried to keep your cheeks from bursting into flames, taking a long pull of your drink.

“Oh, fine, you’re no fun. Come on!” The group rejoined you and you all mingled amongst each other, exchanging greetings and jabs as you all settled in to dance. The band was good, keeping everyone twirling with fast-paced jams that left you panting, trying to not sweat your makeup off. Poe, to your joy, was always just a glance away, constantly moving towards you with the most intoxicating look in his eyes. A brush of the hand, a glance that sent a shiver down your spine. You danced the night away under the stars, surrounded by friends, buoyed by the music and the handsome man beside you. And the smile on your face had never been more bright.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
“Oh, my gosh, I’m _exhausted_.” The two of you stumbled through your doorway. “And my feet hurt,” you whined, reaching down to unstrap the heels from your ankles.

“Hm, that’s a shame.” Poe eyed you as your fingers worked the buckles. “Because they are beautiful, you know.”

“Well here.” You flung them at his chest, laughing. “Go spend the night with the shoes, then!”

He caught them easily, turning them over in his hands like he was thinking about lobbing them back at you. Then he paused. Raised an eyebrow, still looking at the shoes. “Spend the night, huh?”

“I-” That wasn’t necessarily what you meant, but now that you thought about it… “Ye-es.” You raised an eyebrow back. “Is that a problem? You did say they were beautiful,” you smirked. “I hope you are very, very happy together.”

Poe grabbed you by the waist, pulling you into him. You gave in to what you’d been wanting to do all night and tucked your head onto his shoulder, enjoying the closeness. Somehow, this was much better than what the party could ever give you. “I think I’d much rather spend the night with you,” he murmured into your ear, swaying with you gently. Your own private dance.

“Imagine my surprise,” you mumbled. “You’re probably just too lazy to walk back to your own room, after how much you had to drink.”

“Okay,” Poe shrugged you off, laughing like he didn’t have a care in the world. It was a beautiful sound. “I’m beginning to think you don’t want me here!”

“Mmm, no, I do.” You tilted your head. “But if you’re gonna spend the night, you might want something to sleep in,” you whispered, giving him one of his own winks.

He looked down at his clothes, sweaty from the dance floor. “Okay, fine,” he admitted, glaring at you cheerfully. “I’ll be back in ten minutes, and you don’t let me in so help me-”

“You’ll what?” You said, pushing him towards the door. “Not my fault I can run circles around you after you’ve hit your flask.”

“You are… the worst.”

“Love you too, babe.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
He was back in eight. Not that you were counting. You threw all your sleepwear options back into your closet, not willing to admit you’d tried to pick out the least dumpy thing you owned. Which wasn’t much. _Shoulda asked Karissa for some pjs. Is that too forward though?_

He stumbled in in the same shirt- just sweatpants replacing the jeans. Without even saying anything, he aimed for your bed, collapsing onto it with a sigh of relief. “Why did I give you all the good blankets?” He mumbled. At least, you think that’s what he said. Hard to tell when he was facedown on your bed. “Doesn’t make much sense.”

“I feel like I should be recording this for blackmail or something.” You sat next to him, rubbing his shoulder. He rolled out of his blanket cocoon just long enough to give you the evil eye.

“Come ‘ere, you.”

“Poe- POE!” You shrieked as he exploded in a flurry of limbs, somehow maneuvering the both of you into a comfortable position. His arm was around your shoulder, your head on his chest, in two seconds flat.

“Okay, how the hell did you manage that?”

You felt his laugh rumble through his chest. “It’s a talent of mine, sweetheart. Getting cozied up to pretty girls.”

You looked up at him. “I’m going to ignore that statement considering it’s _my_ bed you’re in, _sweetheart_.”

“Ooo.” He swiped a thumb lightly over your lips. “You didn’t take your makeup off.”

“Oh, crap, sorry. Here, I can just-”

“Uh, no.” He pressed a kiss to your neck, effectively keeping you in your place. Very effectively. “I-” Another kiss on the neck. “Have been waiting-” On the jaw. “To mess up that lipstick-” On the cheek. “All-” The nose. “Night.” He hovered over your lips, waiting, with a small smirk on his lips.

You couldn’t help the little moan that escaped you. “Now who’s the tease.”

He smiled against your lips as you closed the gap between the two of you, savoring the sweet taste of him. There had been plenty of kisses between the two of you now- _stars, you can’t believe you could say that_ \- so you loved being able to take your time, languidly leaving your mark on him. From the rumble deep in his throat, it didn’t sound like he minded either.

The base could have been on fire and the two of you wouldn’t have moved from your bed.

You could have spent hours like that, just enjoying him and his touch. His arms never strayed from their place around you, wrapping you in warmth. You felt like you could’ve melted right there, stayed forever pressing soft kisses all over his face- until you yawned, probably very ungracefully, and giggled at Poe wrinkling his nose. “Sorry. Long night.”

“Past your bedtime?” His voice was gentle as he settled the two of you down under the covers, and you wrapped an arm around his chest, cuddling close to him.

“Just a bit.” You tried stifling another yawn. “You aren’t tired?”

“Something about you keeps me on my toes.”

“Ha.” Your eyes fluttered.

“Hey.” You looked up at him. “Before you completely fall asleep on me, humor me for a sec?”

“Sure, babe. Just make it quick.”

He pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “I love you so much.”

“Well I already know that, silly.” He hummed, lip still pressed to your hair. “I’m waiting..?”

“Stars, why do I put up with you?”

“Because you loooooooove me.”

“Y/N.” You glanced up at him, steadied by his serious tone. The look he was giving you made your heart flutter like nothing else. “Will you be my girl? For real,” he said with a lopsided grin. “No more being worried about anyone else. Just… you and me.” Hope shined like diamonds in his eyes. “What do you say?”

You laughed, nuzzling your face into him, reaching for the chain around your neck. You held it up between the two of you. His uniform button still rested in its place just above your heart. You hadn’t taken it off after the dance, and you didn’t plan on taking it off for a long, long time.

“Poe, love,” you murmured, pressing a kiss to his lips. “I already am.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yeah, I was supposed to end the epilogue like three different times. Whoopsie.
> 
> Anyways, there you have it! As said in the tags, this is my first time writing… anything, really, much less posted online, so any comments or suggestions are welcome! Come say hi, I don’t bite! :) Thanks y’all! You can also check me out on tumblr under the same name, dearlazerbunny.tumblr.com


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